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male
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*D
writes:Susan(32) is a woman that I dated for a while last summer.I tried to form a relationship with her but she was indecisive and ultimately, nothing happened (You can see my other questions for the situation). [moderator note: it would be helpful if you included the links so that others can find them.]In mid November, we went out to dinner but I called her a few days later and she never answered.I decided then that nothing will come of this and I took her off my Facebook friends list and forgot about her.This was not to punish her; I just felt that I had to choose a path of NO CONTACT at all to protect my emotions; I had started to develop feelings for her.Since then, I have dated, but am still single.Come New Year's Day I received a text from Susan wishing me Happy New Year. It was a personal text with my name rather than a mass text mailing.My first reaction was not to answer, but I thought it over and sent her a simple text the next day, wishing her much the same for the New Year. I did not propose us seeing each other though.Susan has her birthday in a few days(Jan 7) and she realizes that I know this. I still have feelings for her, BUT I don't understand the reasons why she texted me on New Year's.I thought that she may want establish contact again, or possibly to see me, but I don't know in what capacity.I cannot be "friends" with her, it is too emotionally draining for me.I guess there is a chance she may be thinking of a relationship too(she is still single), but Susan has a history of taking one step forward, then 2 back.The problem is I don't know if I should Text or call her for her birthday.Furthermore, I don't know what she had in mind when texting on New Year's.It may have been a simple, polite text for the holiday season or it may have been a way to re-establish contact with me(she knows I was angry after I removed her from Facebook).Again, I have feelings for her, but I don't want to get sucked into an emotionally draining situation.On the other hand, nothing ventured, nothing gained!How do I handle this situation?I really could use some advice,Thanks,HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE!
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2009): When you care GD, you care deeply. That's a great quality, and I respect your decision to not be friends with Susan.
I should tell you, she's most likely been advised by parents, or older women from her church, to not get involved with men who don't share the same beliefs.
Glow
A
male
reader, GD +, writes (5 January 2009):
GD is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Glow,
I can't be friends with a person I have romantic feelings for.
It just doesn't work.
And the feelings are too recent to just put away or discard.
If I choose to become "friends" with Susan, I will end up wanting much more and will end up heartbroken.
What I am trying to gauge here is if Susan is trying to find a way to establish contact and whether New Year's was a way to do this without seeming needy(on her part).
From your answer, I see you feel the text is not significant and you advise to seek friendship.
Again, I like Susan romantically; I am attracted to her as man to woman, not as a friend.
I have decided I will call her on Thursday. I think I need to hear her voice and see how she reacts.
In any case, I will post with the results.
Thanks,
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2009): Hi GD,
I'm sorry, but the situation doesn't look promising. She obviously likes you, and wants to remain friends...(possibly holding on to the hope you will 'find God' the way she has--I hope the same thing:)
But why can't you remain friends with her? I don't understand this if you like her as a person. If you're holding onto hurt or conflicting feelings, then you must tell yourself it's time to move on...she can only be a friend...that will take the pressure off your friendship. Hope this helps! Take Care, H
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