A
female
age
41-50,
*hadypm
writes:I've known this guy for a year, were part of a group. I always found him attractive but didn't go there. A few months ago we were out, drinking etc and he saw I was getting chatted up by another guy. he subtly pulled me away and I ended up at his. we was going too but he gave a speech about him being a player and not able to give me what I want (romance). So, we left it. Since then we go eat a few times a week, I think he'd go with any of his many 'girls'. We go for wallks, I accompany him when he needs me too (business/drivers mate). Recently he gave me a hand massage when i was hung over, since then he's started asking me to give him themback. the other night I ended up massaging his chest, neck and he fell asleep kinda laying on me as you do when your sprawled out on a sofa. He tells me it feels nice when I touch him. Then the next day I won't hear anything until dinnertime and he wants food-user? It hurts me that he don't appreciate me, yet if he knows he don't wanna go there with me because of him 'not being ready' how is it that a.he spends so much time with me (at least 4 evenings a week) and b.he pursues other girls via text. Ive come to the point where I feel I'm not good enough for him though I know in reality I'm too good for him. Tonight he kept textingnext girl and ignored my text. I feel like telling him "I'm not one of your girls" and that he should give back instead of constantly taking. I do jibe at him but he don't see it.
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female
reader, shadypm +, writes (11 September 2014):
shadypm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthat's the one... harem girl 100% and yes he does surround himself with people because he NEEDS too. he once told me that girls pay more attention to a male when he is with a female-your point exactly but me as his wing man. in response to the bit where you asked why would I pursue a guy who said he's a player, I know he'd been Hurt in the past. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and thought he's trying to act like jack the lad to cover up his insecurities. I don't want to be his harem. I'm going to have to retrain my brain into not liking him.
A
female
reader, shadypm +, writes (11 September 2014):
shadypm is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthat's the one... harem girl 100% and yes he does surround himself with people because he NEEDS too. he once told me that girls pay more attention to a male when he is with a female-your point exactly but me as his wing man. in response to the bit where you asked why would I pursue a guy who said he's a player, I know he'd been Hurt in the past. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and thought he's trying to act like jack the lad to cover up his insecurities. I don't want to be his harem. I'm going to have to retrain my brain into not liking him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2014): I don't see a molecule of logic behind wanting a man who admits he is a player, proves he is a player, and doesn't show any romantic interest; aside from exchanges of massages that lead nowhere. He pulled you away from the other guy; because a player doesn't have to want you to see you as his property. They like having fans and groupies around to stroke their egos. To keep other women competitive for his attention.
Ask yourself why you insist on pursuing a man who will admittedly hurt you and doesn't seem turned on by you?
You are in the friend-zone, a harem-girl, and that is all it will ever be.
You want romance? Then go find it and leave him alone.
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