A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I just ended a relationship with my girlfriend (we been together 2 years, had our ups and downs but shes a good person). She recently found out she has a serious heart condition and will probably end up in a wheelchair and dependant (her health has got worse over the last 6 months). I feel so bad cos I am a really active person and I just cant face being with someone who will become so disabled an now I know it's going to be really bad i just cant do it. Its on my mind all the time. She is angry and upset and I just want to cut things off and move on (she keeps calling). I know I am not the right man to help her through this (I told her this). I just see myself with someone healthy, not becoming a carer.Please dont attack me for this I really just want to know how to get over this quickly. That's it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): I hope you have the emotional honesty to tell any new women in your life why your last relationship ended. Let her know that if she falls ill, or gets into trouble, or faces any problem, you'll be gone.
It may be time to explore why you want to be in a relationship - would you abandon your son/daughter if they fell ill? What does a relationship mean to you?
People like you and those who find no fault in you are the ones responsible for the mess our relationships are in.
At 41-50 you are unlikely to stay healthy for too long.
I am going to judge you. This is a dishonourable thing to do. And I think by posting here, you have shown that you are judging yourself too.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2010): When one of my relatives was diagnosed with a crippling illness, his wife left him immediately, and never talked to him again. It's been about 15 years since he was first diagnosed, and he's been bed-ridden ever since. If she was still with him, he might still be in this bed-ridden state. Another way of looking at it is maybe she would have been enough support to keep him on his feet and get through any therapy he needed..or then again, maybe not. I think some people just feel they can't stick around and be that hope, strength and support their spouse needs. I can't say it's right or wrong, but it might be the same as the big, strong man not being able to watch his wife or gf go through labor, because they can't stand by and watch her suffer, feeling that they won't make anything better. On the other hand, maybe just holding her hand or doing what she says is enough to help her cope a little better than she would have without her man in the room. I think some people just don't feel they are strong enough to endure watching their partner suffer. You can either find ways to boost your own strength so you can remain by her side, or you can completely move on. If you decide to move on, then completely leave, avoiding her altogether, because if you avoid her most of the time and you get a call everytime her condition worsens, it will just make you feel guilty and alot worse than if you stayed by her side or completely ignored her, 100%.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): 2 years is not that long of a time in exchange for a years of taking care of an ill person. In paralel universe when everyone is ideal people don't run away whenever missery happens and stick together till the very end, but we don't live in a perfect world. You're entitled to your own happiness. She will get over it, i feel very sad for her, but eventually she will find a way to cope w/her new situation, and you also.Good luck
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female
reader, LilPixie +, writes (13 March 2010):
 Only way to get over a break up is time. But keeping yourself busy can help to take your mind off it.
Call her and say you'd like to talk to her. Sit her down and properly explain to her why you broke up with it. It's not going to be easy for either of you but in a way she also needs to except that she can't expect you to be there for her 24/7. I think that you should still be there for her and support her through this - not as a boyfriend or a carer but as a friend. I mean, if your best friend suddenly ended up in a wheelchair and needed someone to look after him, would you completely turn your back on him? I think not. Just going to see her once in a while will help. Obviously it's up to you if you are prepared to do this, I can't tell you what to do. I just think it'd be the right thing to do.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 March 2010):
 It is a selfish act but I can see your reasoning. She has a tough time ahead of her and needs support. Although I agree it is hard to give support when you put your own needs first, I hope you broke the news gently.
She is calling because, you have been in her life for two years and to be suddenly dumped after bad news takes some adjustment.
Before you leave her entirely, you could perhaps speak to her family and friends and ask them to watch over her. Your gonna probably get some shitty feedback but it's better than walking away and showing no concern at all. If she meant anything to you at all, it's the least you can do.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2010): There but for the grace of God..... Im not sure how you can get over her quickly. I figure you will get over her when your conscience allows it. Just wondering what you were doing with her for 2 years if you had no intention of being there for her. Wondering if it would have been the same story had the roles been reversed. If shes just found out her health is bad. AND her bf has left her, shes going to have a tough time for a while. If you want no part in it, then change your number, email address ect and just ignore her. She will learn to accept things eventually. Meantime just keep yourself busy looking for a healthy one x
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female
reader, hmae89  +, writes (13 March 2010):
I'm not going to attack you about this. You're probably young right? If it's not true love then of course you won't want to feel tied down to this. If it was someone who you truly loved you would probably do it. Just keep explaining to her how you're not the right person for her (make sure she knows it's not only about her health and that you just don't feel it's "TRUE" love). Good luck!
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (13 March 2010):
 Have you given up on the idea that people can heal by themselves? Have you researched on life giving plants like wheatgrass, rhizhome, or other kinds of alternative medicine? Do you believe in prayer and miracles? Have you engaged in helping her improve her diet? They may be placebos but at least give them a try, then you can say you did all, you tried your best but your solutions are in vain. If you decided not to be her carer, have you found someone who would? There's nothing wrong with wanting someone healthy. You can't just leave her alone expecting god would take care of her. If my boyfriend has a life threatening illness, he will be sure I will hammering him with questions and trying my best to improve his lifestyle, his thinking, and how he deals with his emotions. This is not the time to get over her yet. Find out if she's already accepting the death sentence or if she believes she can heal herself. I read that doctors are the third leading cause of death. If she came to a conclusion that nothing could be done then feel no regrets of leaving her.
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