A
male
age
30-35,
*ox
writes:Hi all,Heres the situaton...Me and my ex had been together for 2 years 10 months and have always been happy, but also argued alot...Anyway about 2 months ago me and her broke up. almost 2 days after the brake up she was with another guy...and shes told me things that he does...and its all the silly things i used to do, its like he's copying my life. While shes with the guy me and her has been having unprotected sex quite regulary. I have just found out a week ago that shes pregnant... her new bf apparently is ok with it (not knowing shes been cheatin on him)...and says that he'll help her out but i know he wouldnt, and i dont trust him around my child (hes a druggie)I have tried talking to my ex about the child, we both want to keep it, but iv told her im not bringing the kid up the way things are (aka me and her not together)... as i dont think its the right thing to do bringing a child up with a ex and her new bf. ive told her that i will always be there for her, but also said if she keeps child and still with him, im taking the kid off her? Thats most of the details, will post more if i remember...dont know what to do?
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broke up, my ex, unprotected sex Reply to this Question
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male
reader, fox +, writes (23 November 2007):
fox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionsorry for the confusion, no1..."2 years 10 months and never got her pregnant but now this guy comes into her life and she is pregnant" we always used protection until about a month before we broke up so was around 3 months in total of unprotected sex. no2. "What makes the child definetly yours is if you were the only person having sex with her. You said you two broke up 2 months ago, and she immediately started sleeping with this othr man" she took a test and the numbers dont add up to him (would be too soon if was his)...she also says she knows its mine as she had the signs before they got together. Thanks for the new posts: AnnaW219 and the 2 anonymous readers.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): Just because you were engaged for six months does not make the child defintely yours. What makes the child definetly yours is if you were the only person having sex with her. You said you two broke up 2 months ago, and she immediately started sleeping with this othr man. So, I don't understand why you don't realize the possibility of it being his child. As a matter of fact, from the information you have given us, it sounds like the child is most likely the other guy's, and not yours. I'm sorry if things didn't work out the way you planned but that's life, and you should learn from this experience & make sure you get a blood test done before making any decisions. In the mean time, live your life. But if the child turns out to be yours, I highly doubt you can take the child away from it's mother. Don't you know anything about the court system & custody cases? They generally always favor the mother having custody. And there is nothing you can do if she wants to stay with her current boyfriend. All you have the power to do is to control wether or not you want to be a part of the child's life, and that is all. From the sound of your post, nobody involved in this love triangle is mature enough or ready to be a parent. I hope you will make sure you use protection in your future sexual pursuits.
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A
female
reader, AnnaW219 +, writes (18 November 2007):
 ok i wouldnt have said about the taking the child off her and if he doesnt no then tell him but pratend its on acceident aswell if you want her back then tell her and tell her you dont want her new bf near your child or get a blood test because it might not be yours because think you was with her 2 years 10 months and never got her pregnant but now this guy comes into her life and she is pregnant
so it might not be your and oviously you both still have feelings about each other because your still having sex .
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2007): It could very easily be his too. Don't be fooled just because you want it to be yours. Imagine you sign the birth certificate and it isn't yours. Then you're stuck paying child support for 18 years. And you could find someone else in this time period and it could hinder your relationship with her. I would definetly tell you, do not make any big decisions until you get a dna test. I mean do not even sign the birth certificate until you get a test done. In a lot of cases the court will pay for it, or assist in payment so you don't have to foot the bill. But if you do have to pay for one, it is $600.00 through dna diagnostics center. That is a lot cheaper than paying child support for 18 years on a kid that may not even be yours.
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A
male
reader, fox +, writes (18 November 2007):
fox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks pgissydforgot to add, we was engaged for about 6months and the kid is defo mine
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A
male
reader, fox +, writes (18 November 2007):
fox is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks pgissydforgot to add, we was engaged for about 6months and the kid is defo mine
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A
female
reader, pgissyd +, writes (18 November 2007):
 Ok fox. You made your first mistake sleeping with her when she is seeing another guy, for all you know it could be his child. then you made the second mistake of threatening to take her child away if she doesnt get back with you. irstly she is your ex and can now do as she pleases without your by or leave, Im not saying its right, what she has done is awful, but thats the facts, then she is pregnant, you have no idea if its yours or his or some other guy you dont know about, whatever happens its her child to do with as she wants. It wonderful you want to get back with her, forgive her and bring up the child as your own, but you cannot force her to make that choice.And as you are not married (Im assuming that your not) you would have absolutely no parental rights over the child and as such no parental responsibilities, unless a dna test was done after the birth to prove it or not.There is another point I want to bring up, you say you have been having unprotected sex with her, yet she is also doing so with this drug addict! Have you considered the risks of sti's? not only to you but the child she carries too? I suggest you both get checked out regardless of the way the relationship goes.If you still wish to pursue the chance of you getting back together, stop the sex and be her shoulder instead. She will choose support over sex evertime. Be there for her, make no threats over the child, dont give ultimatums, and just listen.Sex in a relationship is important, but support is the winner everytime.Good luck with this and let us know what comes of it all wot you? xxxxx
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