A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:my boyfriend and i have been going out for about five months. he regurally takes his top off when making out, when we were making out in a forest he told me he would have taken my top off but i would be cold. he didnt but thing is, i don't want him to take my top off. i am really self conscious and am not one of the skinniest girls. how do i tell him no? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe doesn't want sex and doesnt believe in it before marriage and thanks people for your answers :) it helped alot :)
A
female
reader, hpoco  +, writes (4 April 2010):
 I just want to add a message to some of the other aunts who have responded, that its all well and good to advise a 16-ish girl to be direct about sexual matters with her boyfriend, but that absolutely doesn't mean she has the communication skills necessary to execute that kind of plan. I'm sure it occurred to her to just tell him, but that something was stopping her, which caused her to seek actual advice, instead of "say what you want".
She already expressed shame/embarrassment around the issue, so I kind of think giving her a subtle option is not a bad idea. Perhaps its a more practical piece of advice about what she can actually do. Having been a 16-year-old girl myself once, I know its not always logical to expect a 16-year-old girl to be able to just say "don't touch my boobs" to what is probably her first boyfriend. Its a little too mortifying. But other ways of getting around it can work. Like finding an excuse to stop making out when it gets to that point. Or just saying wait.
Just wanted to put that out there...
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A
male
reader, daletom +, writes (4 April 2010):
When you are ready for this level of physical intimacy it won't bother you as much. When the time is right for some (not all) women they actually WANT to show their bodies and give them to their guy for his pleasure. Keep in mind that different men find MANY sizes and shapes of women's bodies attractive.
Until then - let him know, specifically, what is and isn't acceptable. Don't "drop hints" or expect him to "figure it out". Some time when you are NOT making out you need to let him know what the rules are. He may tell you about things YOU are doing or saying that send the wrong messages to him.
Then, if he goes beyond your limits, gently and respectfully but firmly correct him. Yes, eventually this could lead to a break-up between you two. If that happens - you'll know what the significance of your relationship was, to him.
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A
female
reader, hpoco +, writes (3 April 2010):
If you feel like he is starting to go for your top, just find an excuse to stop making out, he will most likely get the clue that you aren't ready. And if you can't find an excuse, just say "wait", and tell him directly that you aren't ready yet. its a sexual "step" and its one you shouldn't take until you feel comfortable.
Also, if you start talking about it, let him know you feel insecure and self conscious. I'm sure he will reassure you that he thinks you are absolutely skinny enough and beautiful.
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A
male
reader, Kieran1113  +, writes (3 April 2010):
 I completely agree, if you don't want sex, then you should not be going out with someone who does.
And babe not everyones perfect, im not the strongest lad in my school, but when i see people showing off their muscles i laugh so much at how pathetic they look, have confident in your self, im sure your better looking then you think you know.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (3 April 2010):
Simple. If he ever tries it, just tell him you're not ready. You don't have to do anything you don't want to.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (3 April 2010):
 What you post really tells me is that you don't feel ready for a sexual relationship at this stage in your life. That is perfectly ok as you are quite young. I think lots of people are self conscious about their body but to be honest, if you are doing something as intimate as sex with another person you should be worrying about your body or saying 'no' to things you are not happy with...surely they have to accept you just the way you are, if he is critical of your shape then he is certainly not someone you should be in a physical relationship with. I would add that while sexual activity outside might seem exciting and daring, it maybe distressing or dangerous if someone stumbles across you pair if they happen to be out having a run or walking the dog. It is often a criminal public indecency offence in many States.
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