A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:this isn't so much that i don't know the right thing to do, but i'm having a hard time with the problem. My ex and i, before the engagement was broken, were talking seriously about having children. we'd come up with names and everything, already set up the way the nursery would look...and so on. since then, obviously i know that he and i can't have a baby together anymore since we aren't in a relationship. My problem however, is that...about a month ago my godson was born. watching my friend give birth was the most beautiful and breathtaking experience i had ever been involved in. The trouble is...since she was about 6 months pregnant i started wanting a child of my own. i could tuck that inkling in the back of my mind until she had her baby. Now i can't ignore it, and that feeling just seems to overwhelm me all the time now. I realize there are ways to get pregnant that don't involve a relationship, and i also realize that being a single parent is not a good way to go (by choice) the other problem with that is yes i want a child, but i want my ex fiance's child. everytime i think about being pregnant, it always has to be his baby that i'm heavy with. Logically and all that i know that telling him that i still want to have his child is the worst idea in history, but a large part of me is dying to tell him that i don't want any other man's baby.it sounds like a simple and stupid dilema, but it's really big for meand before you think i'm just trying to get pregnant by him because i want him back...don't. honestly i do want him back, but i won't use a child to do that.
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (4 February 2010):
 Well, YOU know you want your now ex-fiance's baby but that is not going to happen. Telling him would not be a good idea - unless the two of you are able to overcome the issues that caused the breakup and thus get re-engaged at some time.
It may be that you were really looking forward to marriage and motherhood with him, and are disappointed - maybe also angry - and grieving over this loss. Because loss it is, and no small one either.
You are aware, too that being single and getting pregnant is very definitely not a good idea for many reasons - not the least of which is that a child needs both his mother and his father.
Is there anyone you can talk with about your feelings? Letting it all hang out with someone you trust may help.
The other suggestion is maybe you can do a lot of babysitting with your godson and lavish plenty of love and attention on him.
Sorry for your pain.......
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