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male
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*acenbuddy8102
writes: I have a co-worker who has shown some attention to me in a casual way for the last couple of weeks. I care about this person and have grown closer over this time; even though we are both married. I'm not sure if she might feel the same way as I. I don't want a relationship, but I don't want to ruin our friendship either! Could it be my signals are crossed up ? If so how can I change that? respectfully
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reader, becky05 +, writes (17 July 2005):
If youre both married forget it. You shouldnt be pursuing your co-worker if you are in a relationship.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (16 July 2005):
 In situations like this, your best response is no response. You don't say what form the "attention" takes, but I assume it involves working closely with you, or perhaps she makes more eye contact or physical contact than you expect.
You say you're both married and that you don't want a relationship with her. Good. That makes things very easy for you. Simply assume that she's professionally friendly in a touchy-feely way, and nothing more. Even if she's coming on to you, you don't have to respond. Remaining neutral to her is a perfectly honest and respectful response.
You may feel flattered at the attention, and you're certainly entitled to that, but you don't have to return the attention, or even acknowledge it. In fact, acknowledging it could be the worst response, if you're wrong about her intentions.
So, briefly put, assume her attentions are nothing more than a part of her normal, professional demeanour. Don't respond in any way other than a businesslike one. Remain friendly and keep up the good work.
If she is coming on to you, she'll get the hint when you don't respond, and if she's not, there'll be no misunderstandings.
Hope this helps put things in perspective for you.
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