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female
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anonymous
writes: I am a 23 year old female and I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 5 years. We have a 1 year old son together. He also has 2 children with his someone else. I know he cheated with this person he has these other children with in the beginning of our relationship. I don't trust him in this situation because of that, and I know she still wants to be with him. I feel that I should be able to ride with him to pick up his children. The one time that I did she told him don't bring me back and now he tells me that I can't go with him anymore. He said it's uncomfortable for her to see me with her kids. But my boyfriend and I live together so she knows her kids will be around me, so I don't understand what the problem is. My question is, is it okay for my boyfriend to just listen to her and not take my feelings into consideration?
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male
reader, Lostandalone  +, writes (14 June 2006):
 I'm sorry but your boyfriend needs to have a little more backbone when it comes to this other woman. He is putting her feelings ahead of yours in this case and its not right. She will always have issues with you and his relationship until she finds someone of her own to spend time with and she isn't going to do that if your boyfriend keeps giving her hope of some kind that they will be together by listening to her and doing what she wants. He needs to know that his obligations are to his children not to her or her feelings. I hope this helps. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (13 June 2006):
 I can see it from all sides but I have to say in your defence, you and your boyfriend also have a child together and have been together for 5 years and as you say, his children are around you when they come to your home, I think the onus lies with your boyfriend to understand your position and to try and sort it. What harm does it do if you go with him and stay in the car? The point is though you obviously don't trust him which is the only reason you want to go. This issue is causing you to question why he takes her wishes on board over yours, but at the end of the day, as the mother of the children, she does sort of have that right. I can see why you're upset, but try to tackle the trust issue as a stand alone problem. If say the only compromise you could come to is that he completes the round trip for his kids in a certain time period, I think you'll still find reasons to mistrust him. If you want to stay with this man, he has to earn back your trust, but you have to give him the chance to prove himself.
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A
female
reader, auntie claire +, writes (13 June 2006):
 dear reader. quick answer NO! it isn't alright you need to put your foot down abotu this as you say you live together and she knows dame well the kids will be seeing you so why should it bother her whether you are with him to pick them up or not. you don't trust him so thats not a good thing for a start. could you be possibly thinking there might be something going on there? if so get to the bottom of it now before things go too far. Think of your son in all this how does it look on him if his mum don't trust his dad i know his young but you'll be surprised how young they pick up all these bad vibes.
be firm but fair and i wish you the best of luck xxx
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