A
female
age
30-35,
*adaergd
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for six months now. Before we started to date - he sacrificed his once a month weed smoking habits because he knows I don't like them. Now, six months later, he texts me out of the blue because he wants to go to a football game tomorrow stoned, and start smoking weed again. Of course I don't want him to because I don't like weed. He asked me if he could.However, my side of it is.. our LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIP, I work extra hours at work so I can save up money to go see him and I go to college. He has only one more class than I do and only has class once per day during the week. It makes me feel highly uncomfortable because I've been sacrificing way more than he has for this relationship and before he went off to college, he talked about getting a job that wasn't that hard to do or time consuming, just to help out with the plane tickets.I feel like I am giving and giving to this boy, and then he asked to take back the one sacrifice he still maintained. I told him I didn't want him to do it and why I feel that way. But, really. Now I am just highly upset because I've realized that he really doesn't put in any effort into this relationship because I've baby'ed him so much and let things slide as long as HE was comfortable. So my dilemma is.. what do I do, other than break up with this guy. I don't need him. But I do love him. And I want to keep him, but the sacrifices are way unbalanced and now its only me compromising.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (7 October 2009):
 Relationships lasting only six months amongst university students should not yet require any sacrifices of a significant nature. If YOU wish to make sacrifices, then make them. However it is most effective and meaningful to do things for people when do not expect things in return.
Relationships involve compromise, but because you have decided to dedicate everything you have to this one, that doesn't mean he is required to do the same. What you do is your choice.
If you feel you are not getting enough from him, then you can break up with him, or you can stop giving so much yourself.
Try to remember he COULD have gotten stoned at the football game and said nothing to you. He chose honesty instead. This shows more respect and caring than you have chosen to give him credit for.
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