A
female
age
36-40,
*auz
writes:my problem is that i hate my boyfriend's kids..he wants to bring them from chicago to live in our apartment in dallas! and the worst part is that its not only one kid, he has three (13, 10 and 8 years old)!!!!!!!! we have been living together for over two years and i really love him. i think that our relationship is about to end because all that.. we were fine before because his ex and kids live far away from us, so it was like they didn't exist for me. i am so upset and sad right now that i don't know if i should leave him or stay
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 April 2009): Yikes!! I think it's time to end this relationship, because you plainly have a very adverse reaction to his children. He needs a more mature, understanding lady in his life...one who knows the value of family and what children mean to the man she loves. Listen, I feel for these poor kids. Their lives are being uprooted and they are being shipped off to live with their Dad, who is with a lady who doesn't even like them. These kids are leaving their safe wotrld, their schools, their friends, their Mother and all you can think of, is yourself. So we clearly know, these children will need to adjust in a healthy, loving environment. You simply don't have the love to provide that to them. Tell their father what is going on and leave.
But I credit you for your honesty here. So take heart, you are young and you just aren't ready to share a man's life with his kids. Plain and Simple. And that's okay. Just tell him..honestly, openly and truthfully. But get to the point, so he has time to recover and is able to focus on the happiness of making his kid's lives stable. And in the future, please, please, please don't date guys with kids! You don't need the stress and the kids most certainly.... don't need the stress.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (3 April 2009):
 Sounds like the kids are the deal breaker for this relationship. Time to start looking around for a kid-less gentleman. Just curious do you ever hope to have children of your own?
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (3 April 2009):
 Him and the kids are a packaged deal and pretty much it comes down to you. If you can't stand them, you're going to have to leave. He can't ditch his kids for you, so you're going to have to make a choice - can you step up and play Mom to 3 children or is that something you're not interested in? If you're not, move on. Even if he's the greatest guy in the world, he'll always have those kids.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (3 April 2009):
 You knew that he had kids, bottom line. The possibility always was there that his kids might some day come live with him, and you either ignored that fact or lied about being ok with it.
Either way, if you want him 100% for yourself, that will never ever happen, ever. Yes, you are important to him, but he has 3 children who come first. In my opinion, even if you were married and teh mother of his children, they should still come first. That's just me though, I put children first the moment they come into the picture.
If you know you cannot handle playing step mom to his 3 kids, which includes pretty much all of the responsibilities of being a mom, then leave now and spare them the angst and bitterness of a failing relationship over kids.
You owe it to him, them, and yourself to make the best decision possible, but yes, expect many things to change if/when they do come live with him. Honestly, you should never have entered this relationship if you had no interest in dealing with his children. Good luck though, please try to do the right thing by everyone.
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