A
female
age
30-35,
*ly
writes:I'll try to make this as short and clear as possible. The thing is, i am insecure (as i have mentioned in my previous post) and probably will never overcome this character trait. I have been with my boyfriend for 2 1/2 years. We are happy...well i guess you can say we're happy when I'm not over thinking every aspect of our relationship. Okay so the thing is, my boyfriend tells me all the time that he loves me, I'm the most beautiful girl in the world blah blah all that sweet and adorable things I love to hear. He also told me that since he's been with me there is no use looking or admiring other women. I know as a person all men look at women.. it's just a fact of life. I have tried to get him to "Say the truth" but he claims to tell it each time he says he doesn't check out the ladies. To be honest, i do not have much of an interest in checking out guys myself. I notice they are their, but nothing further then that? I don't know if i should really believe him..Sometimes when we go shopping and i spot an attractive woman i try to examine him to see if he notices just so i can know the truth..but if i ask him "so, did see that girl/check her out?" he says he didn't, he just basically examines the room aimlessly .. even if i did see him glance.. or at least i think i do. I mean why should I be so lucky to get a man that appreciates me and only me? I would like some advice and opinions...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2009): Did you ever consider that he may be telling you the truth? Stop worrying. If he has never given you a real reason to be insecure then don't be! After awhile, you constant insecurities may make him uncomfortable. Life is too short for needless worrying. And, if you ever do notice him glance at a pretty woman that is just normal behavior. I see my guy look at other women but its usually only a discreet glance. Nothing to worry about!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2009): My boyfriend says exactly the same as your boyfriend but he does admit to fancying certain celebs like cherly cole.
However, I do think that if you see a good looking person in the street then it is only natural to be attracted to them. Regardless of if you are in a relationship or not.
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I love him. I still see men I am attracted to in the street but I don't have any urge to go and chat them up. Its kind of like you notice them because they stand out, like blonde hair would in a crowd of people with dark hair.
Sorry I'm not explaining this very well, but I hope it helps.
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A
female
reader, CupidGirl826  +, writes (9 September 2009):
Girl,
Your guy sounds very sweet.
Life is too short to be questioning these kind of things.
If he wanted other girls, he'd be with them.
Try to be secure in your relationship, and go tell your BF that you love him very much, lol.
You two sound so cute. He seems like a really nice guy, and he tries to be good to you.
If I were you, I'd really try not to ask him questions like that anymore - it'll show you trust him more.
Everyone has insecurities in a relationship, I tended to think about his exes, and yeah, I wondered if he was checking out other women too, lol. But I'd never bring it up to him, I didn't want a lot of the insecurity to show.
You mention, "The thing is, I am insecure (as I have mentioned in my previous post) and probably will never overcome this character trait."
All confidence is, is acceptance and humility - it's not arrogance. It's accepting who you are, what you are, realizing what you can change and living with what you can't. You're only you, and your BF obv. digs you - some girls can't keep a guy for 2 weeks let alone 2 years.
I'm not trying to be Mr. Rogers, lol. EVERYONE has insecurities, but you don't have to wear them on your sleeve.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, Lola1 +, writes (9 September 2009):
 What would be the worst case scenario? Let's say he DID find another girl attractive, but preferred you for a number of reasons and then put her out of his mind. Is that such a bad thing?Apparently, if this was the case, he can't admit that to you because your ego can't stand up to that.All you need to concern yourself with is that he chooses to be with YOU every day. That is enough, whatever he may be looking at.If he is the great guy you said he is, give him (and yourself) a break. Stop overanalyzing everything and take him at his word. He doesn't deserve to be doubted.Insecurity IS something you can move beyond. Accepting it as a part of your life is not a good idea and it's an unfair burden to put on your boyfriend. Focus your energy on becoming more secure and confident and you will be more richly rewarded than if you find out he is or isn't looking at pretty girls at the mall. Trust me.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (9 September 2009):
ok if he isn't cheating and he dsnt flirt with other girls after 2 and a half years and he is with you all the time so maybe there not much opportunity for him to have time to cheat. I dnt see wut the problem is. if ur gonna get into the business of not believing wut he says he will just start feeling like u dnt trust him
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