A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi - my boyfriend has emigrated to Australia (since May) and although he wants me to join him he is currently texting me at 3am, 4am (his time) from bars at least once or twice a week. I have asked him whether he would like it if I went out drinking with people until this hour and he said if that is what I wanted to do I should but he probably didn't think it was a good idea. He asked me what I had to look forward to this week and when I said nothing much he said he had booked himself a ticket to see a band. It is not so much what he does but how he goes about it and I feel he is just saying well if you want me I'm here so take it or leave it. He is 30 (soon to be 31) and I feel he is behaving like a much younger man I am currently struggling to research and make all the arrangements necessary to emigrate (which is a lot) including meeting the cost but I am starting to wonder what I will be emigrating to? He actually mocked me and laughed at my miserable attitude today on a skype call when I said how low I was and that everything seemed against me. I am sure he is running out of patience but I feel really abandoned and lonely. I have very few friends and family relationship issues that make it difficult for me to share my problems elsewhere and get any support. Does anyone have any advice? At the moment I feel like rebelling and giving him a taste of his own medicine but I am so fed up I can't be bothered to.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (30 September 2007):
 If you have the money I would say get a tourist visa and hop on a plane for a couple of months down under. Basically the only way you can find out if you are suited to life in oz with him is to be there, and since you don't have much support at home then it is an added reason to go. I am not sure what the australia visa regulations are but it maybe possible to extend/ change your visa whilst you are there. The distance is obviously putting a strain on your relationship and long-distance phone calls are no substitute for day-to-day living. Your BF is putting on a front about his new life down under and is filling the time with bars and going out because he misses you and he is trying to establish a new life there. he is texting you at silly o'clock in the morning and this highlights how he really feels! I don't think that it is wrong as such for him to be out clubbing but you feel frustrated because you are not there to share it. If you don't at least try this new life with him then you will be forever wondering what could have been...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): I was hoping someone could clarify this too because I have had a similar issue before with an ex so I know what you are going through.
Well we both know he is being so insensitive. I guess the hard thing about it is that he still seems interested. It's like if he was being an insensitive cocky jerk and at the same time acted like he wanted to break up then it would make more sense. But the fact that he is being cocky and insensitive but at the same time calls and "misses" you makes it all so much more confusing.
I get the impression that maybe he is mad at you about something? (Maybe because you are not with him or because he feels like you don't love him or something to that extent). So he is acting like a child because of it. I guess if you really love him and would like to work things out with him and you believe that this is just a phase he is going through because of the circumstances, then you should work things out. But if you don't think you want to waste your time and feel like this is just his true colors showing, then don't work things out. Sometimes the best way to find out how you really feel about another person is to give yourself space and time away from him (at least on the phone). That always works for me. After a few weeks or a month even, of not talking to him you can think more clearly. I think this is what you should do.
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (29 September 2007):
 Don't rebel. Won't you feel bad if you did, because that behavior is not what you would normally do Then you would have him, not feeling guilty, and you feeling abandoned for what he's doing now, and guilt for what you'd do for rebellion. Two for you, none for him. I see a slight problem with those numbers.
You being mocked and laughed at is wrong. We are so quick to say "they shouldn't be upset or feel this way" but they are not our feeling, they are theirs. His going out and saying it would be wrong for you. That's like saying, do as I say, not as I do.
You'll make the right choices for you, and if you make a couple of wrong ones along the way, I really believe (reviewing all my choices), some of our wrong ones lead up to right ones. I wouldn't be wear I am today if I hadn't messed up with some of my choices. I will say this, if something seems like it's not quite right, it probably isn't.
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