A
male
age
26-29,
*ivingWithBadDecisions
writes:I asked this question before but i only got two responses and whilst i apreciate(appreciate?) them i would be grateful(greatful?) for more insight...I just turned sixteen a month ago and started voluntary work around the same time once a week during term time only. I met this girl who has been a volunteer there for about 6 months or so and shes seventeen and a half. We only really have half an hour at lunch to talkI think I like her quite a lot but she has been through a lot and doesnt trust people very much. She hasn't told me much at all about why she doesnt trust people. She has said something about having a really difficult ten years of people abandoning her and using her then making her feel sh1t. She has ptsd which I think is a form of depression? Shes also said Im a lot like her ex best mate because he was involved in drugs and was not the type to walk away from fights and has had some run ins with the police and doesnt have a good family life which probably started out as dodgy parenting but Ive never tried to change until now and even then Im not sure whats changing for the long time. Plus Ive only been out with skinny makeup-plastered girls with fake eyelashes hair tan etc and all the skimpy stuff and making out with any guy that pays them attention. basically not really long time potential. Shes none of that coz shes a tomboy who wears trackies and jumpers and converses and all that with no makeup except mascarra and she wont kiss me or hold my hand and doesnt let me hug her for very long. I have told her that I like her though but she says we dont know each other very well yet which I guess is true but I think I like her and I want to help her get past everything. I mean maybe thats the only reason why I like her but I dont think it is.Shes going through a hard time now aswell because she is a part time carer for her grandad. From what shes told me so far her grandad is really ill with dementia and cancer and pneumonia and is deteriorating quickly. Sorry if I didnt spell much of that right.I dont really know what to do. I mean how do I show her Im changing or have changed or whatever? How do I know if I dont just like her because shes a challenge or different and isnt easy? I think I care about her and I know shes a kind and caring person (we work with disabled children) and I dont want to hurt her but Im not even sure how serious I am about liking her. What should I do? Is she ever going to trust me?Thanks for any more help you can give meCooper
View related questions:
disabled, drugs, her ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (23 March 2013):
 She isn't sure what she wants from you but at least she likes talking to you during lunch. I wouldn't advise doing much more than lunch as she is busy with taking care of grandpa. She can be very sensitive to pressure. She likes you somewhat because you try to understand her, not the typical hormone raging guy who cares about sex only. At least there is a friendship going on, which is nice for young people. You don't need that extra drama in your life right now.
People with ptsd can be very high maintenance, and have abandonment fears and shut down. A lot of things can trigger her when normally they don't bother other people. She needs to know that you can be patient enough when she goes through an anxiety episode. She grew up with people who left her so she will assume that leaving is a normal part of a relationship. A boyfriend will not take on the role of helping her get past her issues, because she associates loved ones with people who eventually leave when things get tough. She needs a therapist who deals with her issues specifically. You as a 16 year old can be at best a listening ear but it's a professional who she really needs if she wants to learn to trust and open her heart.
I think you are drawn to her because as your username suggest you lived with bad decisions and you wished that you had guidance in your life to avoid mistakes. It makes you want to help other people and feel empowered.
After a while you will feel tired of talking and listening to problems. There will be a time you suggest doing something fun. Make her laugh.
A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (23 March 2013):
 Firstly your spelling is pretty good so don't worry!I don't think you should ever go into a relationship because you want to help someone, you can help her as a friend. People need to sort their issues out themselves before they get involved.To gain her trust - listen to her, let her talk and tell you her story. Be there for her when she needs you. Sort your life out, you are young - getting into drugs and trouble is not going to do you any good long term.You are still young, anything could happen to be honest so good luck :)
...............................
|
