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writes:I have met a old flame from school, I havnt seen her in 6years. When we met the same chemistry was still there and we hit it off as though we hadn't stopped seeing each other all those years! She has recently came out of a relationship as have I. The only thing I'm scared of is she has a 2year old boy, I have no fathering experience and I'm worried, what is the best way to deal with this? Is is something that happens with time?or should you connect instantly? Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): it's more up to the child than you. The boy will have to get used to you being around, which will depend on how much contact you have with him.
If you're not,, learn to be interactive with him, be interested in the things he's interested in, play with him even if it's a silly toy, to him at his age and for a few moments it's his most important possession in the world. Talk with him, not AT him, you can't force him to like or care for you. You have to show him you are a good guy and good friend. IF he likes books and having stories read to him, read his stories, and make the story animated. interact with him on his level.
Kids are pretty dang smart about people and judging if the adult figure is a good person or bad person. They just can't vocalize what they know.
If you are not a "good guy and kid person" trust me,, that 2 year old is going to know! And he won't have a thing to do with you.
Kids are great. It's poor parents and poorer parenting skills that are the real problem.
Of course much, almost all depends on his Mom, how serious you both are about each other, and where the both of you want your relationship to go.
If it's a passing thing,, the little guy will be devastated if he and you have really bonded and you and the girlfriend situation hits the skids....
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2009): When anyone first becomes a mum or dad, no one knows what to do, we all learn what to do over time. I am sure you girlfriend will help you with anything your not sure of.
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 December 2009):
It's something that happens with time. Research has shown that because women go through pregnancy, they can find it easier to bond because they have the baby within them. Men don't go through pregnancy, so the first time they come into contact with the baby is when it is born and they first see it. You'll learn as you go along. I don't have kids, but my girlfriend has a young niece and I've met her. I was terrified at first, and to be honest I'm not really sure I was that great. But I've got better, and you will too. Just relax and learn from your friend.
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