A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfreind for 1 year and 3 months. i often argue with him because i have become so paranoid! he does'nt look at girls but my mind thinks that he is.i don't even like him watching television if theres a girl with a short skirt on or something similar! i am really worried and think that this will end my relationship? what can i do to save this please help me i am going out of my mind quickly!!! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (11 July 2008):
 You're going to have to accept it. It's not paranoia, it's fact. Boys, and men, look at girls.
If you find a boy who says he never looks at another girl and enjoys what he sees, then he's lying.
Where you are wrong is to think that it will damage your relationship. It won't. There are a million and one other things that may damage your relationship, and being too possessive and jealous is one of them, but letting him look at other girls just won't. Men look at women because women look nice! It doesn't mean we're going to run off with them simply because they happen to be more beautiful than the woman we're with. There's far more to a relationship than that, and I can assure you of that as someone who has the most solid 20+ year relationship in which I've enjoyed looking at women almost every day of it! And never touched any of them other than my wife (I should add "yet" - just to keep her on her toes. LOL.)
As I said, accept it. It's something you're going to have to come to terms with at some point. It's the way men (and boys) are. In many ways it's no different to us looking at that shiny, red Ferrari we know we can never have - and I can assure you that when we have a good relationship with our partner we want that Ferrari SO much more than we want any of those other women we look at!
A
female
reader, pepper27 +, writes (11 July 2008):
 Oh sweetheart
You are right when you say this can end relationships but more importantly why have you got such alot of low self esteem hunny, This is your main problem your lacking in confidence and self esteem so therefor you think that any other female is a threat to your relationship. Not true love but we need to work on that confidence of yours to make you feel better so you dont worry about things that dont matter love...
http://youthdevelopment.suite101.com/article.cfm/improving_teen_self_confidence
Ive found this site that I hope will help but you will have to work at this hunny and its not going to happen overnight, Now if you want help Im quite willing to help you get through this and understand how you can focus on the more possitive sides of life and you..If you let this continue (I think you really do know or you wouldnt be writing in) it will not only ruin this relationship but any futour plans and relationships will suffer so now is the time to GET STRONG AND GET POSSITIVE!!!OK :) If you want to work with me on this message me and I'll help, I do work but I log on everyday, Have a read of this link even 10 minutes a day and hopefully you can start to see a brighter futour and realise how beautiful you are and how special, And this is not how you want to be I HOPE THIS HELP SWEETHEART TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): It probably will end your relationship to put it bluntly.
You need a bit of self control. You need to convince yourself he doesn't because he doesn't. You just have a fear that he'll cheat on you.
He isn't cheating on you. You've told us that.
Your mind unfortunatley is you. Although sometimes it feels like its split into two parts. I know how that feels. One half says one thing and the other says the other. They almost argue. Its like God and Satan, Heaven and Hell.
You and You...
As I said, self control is the key. This is a life skill that will benefit you for the rest of your life. Beat it now, and these are the obstacles you can pass easily through your own journey through life.
If all else fails, possible consuelling?! Might seem exaggerated, and I tend to pass on questions I don't know the answer to to professional help, but paranoia can lead to all kinds of problems. Just some advice from one meeting can change the way you think forever. Because both you, and you believe they're right.
You could also talk to parents if your close to them?! I'm not particularly close to mine so maybe friends?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2008): OK,DON'T WORRY.We all have our paranoid moments.But I truly
think you're overreacting.If he sees a girl with a short skirt on tv,then he just sees it.It's tv,he can't just go
into the tv and start dirty talking to her or grab her ass.
So if you know he doesn't look at girls,then you have nothing to worry about.I think you should get over your
fear by:every time he's watching a movie,sit with him.Don't
look at him,or think that he's interested in the girl(s).
I think that if you do this,you'll get over your paranoia.
If you want to talk more,send me a message.xxx
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