A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Bf and I have been together almost 4 years. He claims I never want to hang out with him or that when we have a day off I'm too lazy. Which is is ridiculous. To start, this summer he has been a slacker compared to me when it comes to work. The last 5 weeks he has called out one day per week from work, basically making up his own schedule and giving himself 3 day weekends, and averaging about 32 hours per week. I on the other hand work a minimum of 40 hours, and rarely get 2 days off in a row as my schedule is constantly changing. In addition, I'm not allowed to call out from my job unless I'm actually deathly ill. I'm in management so I have a heck of a lot more responsibility and have to be a good example to my colleagues.Here are examples of how he is over exagerating about how I never wanna do things when we have days off together:Today is July 20th.On sunday July 15th, I agreed to go to the CA state fair as he has been looking forward to it for months. He loves fairs. They aren't my cup of tea. We spent the entire day and about $120 there. For him. Because I love him.July 4th. After working a 9 hour shift, and him having the day off, I come home and immediately prepare for a long night bike ride to the fireworks show. We didn't wanna chance driving drunk and knew parking would be hard to find. It was fun, but tiring. And terrifying coming home dodging drunken traffic.June 26th. We spend the entire day at the river doing everthing his way. He wanted to boat criss-cross down the river and then row all the way back up to the car. I agreed and was utterly exhausted afterwards. I would have rather spent more time lounging in the sun, but he got his way.June 8th. I drive us 3 hours through Napa traffic so we can spend the day at the ocean. It was an amazing day and we had tons of fun. Etc.. Now keep in mind I also have friends and family who I like to spend time with too. And there are countless hours in between my above examples of spending time after work sitting on the couch with him watching the movies and shows HE likes to watch. I'm so damn considerate of him and he makes me feel like a bad gf.I want my relationship to succeed. I love him. I just don't appreciate his lack of consideration of how my work life is. I need breaks and sometimes would prefer to just relax at home before starting up another 7-day long work week until I have another day off.Anyone else had to deal with this?
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female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 July 2018):
 I have to agree with YCBS,
I would also LOVE to hear his side (not that I don't believe you or anything but it would be interesting).
I would tell him either at the beginning of each week, which days you have off and then make plans together or separately.
If you work a lot then you only have SO much time off to be with him, friends and family and IF he can not understand that you aren't (and shouldn't) drop your friends for HIS sake all the time or ONLY do what HE wants to do on days off... then maybe YOU need to accept that this is NOT an even or healthy relationship.
And I think you need to start sticking to your guns here and there. Like saying:" NO I don't want to do a whole lot on my day off. I want to VEG! I had 7 days of work and I NEED to rest. If you want to chill; with me great, if not - YOU can go do stuff too with your friends, family or by yourself." If he whiles, moans or bitches - maybe point out the days that you two DID stuff together.
You shouldn't do things JUST because he throws "fits" or is bored or you feel you HAVE to do it.YOU have as much right to CHOOSE what you want to do on your day off.
You two DO need to have this conversation. The sooner the better.
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (21 July 2018):
 This is one of those posts where I would love to hear the other side of the story, i.e. from your boyfriend.
If what you say is accurate, then he is one of those people who has no consideration for others and just wants his own way all the time. That said, you are acting a bit like a door mat. Regardless of what is going on in YOUR life, you are going out of your way to accommodate his wishes all the time.
What is it exactly you love about him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2018): Everyone who is in, or has been a relationship; has to deal with a partner who wants to always have his or her way.
All you have to do is set boundaries and guidelines. Learn to say no; and stick to your guns, even when you get pouting and push-back. Save guilt for when you do something you know you shouldn't do, not for what you should!
When people know their persistence will always get them their way; they'll push it to the limit. I don't think he'll breakup with you; just because you say you're tired, would prefer to do something else, or ask him to be more considerate. He's selfish. Yes he will disagree, and he will throw a childish-tantrum; because he gets his way all the time. He's got it down to a science. You're an enabler.
You're spoiling him with love; and feeling like a guilt-ridden mother, who doesn't want to say no to a spoiled-child. He is an adult!!! Although, an irresponsible one!
You should speak-up about his work-ethic. He's going to end up jobless; and you're going to be supporting him. You had better grow some backbone; and ask him to take his job seriously. Learn to be tactful when discussing your problems; without coming across like you're afraid he'll get angry with you. You're both adults.
Don't be whiny, or give-in the minute he pushes back. Stand your ground. Explain your concerns, and how you think they can be resolved. Think it all out, jot down some specific points you want to cover; and lay it out for him. If he doesn't want to listen; you're just there for his entertainment. It's his show, and you're just a prop on the set.
If you're too tired; say so. If he takes too much unauthorized time-off from his job, say something.
If you split living-expenses, and he gets fired; guess who gets to pay all the bills? Don't you bust your ass hard enough, girlfriend? Aren't you tired of watching him slack-off?
You've got to talk about it. Not argue, I said talk!
Most young couples don't discuss problems, they fight about them. One nags and whines, the other gets annoyed, and both end-up yelling back and forth. They retreat all pissed-off, and the problem remains unresolved. Tell him what's bothering you. Tell him you're trying to fix it. You need him to cooperate.
Get your rest and relaxation; or you're going to blow-up, and say a lot of things in anger you will regret. It's better to sit-down, compromise about how you spend time-off together, and schedule activities to allow you to get needed rest. He's energetic and high-strung; but doesn't take his job seriously. He needs to grow-up!
Let him know you love him; but you worry about how he treats his job. That comes across irresponsible; and that could seriously impact your relationship. You want to compromise with him; but he doesn't allow you to. Tell him that makes you feel as though he doesn't respect you.
Never take whatever is thrown at you for fear of losing a boyfriend. That isn't showing love; it's being used. He's showing signs of being a slacker, and that quickly leads to being a loser. It's not all play-time. You have to work, get some rest; and fun is the reward that comes after.
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