A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I posted a question yesterday about a mutual friend sending my boyfriend love letters and that my boyfriend is still friends with her, and im not, she lied about sending them after i found them, and threatened me to report me to the police when i sent her a text asking her why shed done it, then sent my boyfriend a text saying he was pushing her over the edge telling me, and she thought they were friends.Since then my boyfriend has remained distant friends (texts and through social networking sites) with her, this girl has had a boyfriend throughout the whole of this, and has a child, and is pregnant, but as far as im aware isnt getting on with her boyfriend.Her prescence does make me feel uncomfortable, but i trust my boyfriend so dont see her as any form of threat. However after telling me yesterday he had been offered a job by her on behalf of a friend on a temporary basis he has now revealed to me that she is actually going to be going as well.He asked me if I was ok with this, and said if i wasn't he would not go. I told him I wasn't jumping for joy about it as she made me feel uncomfortable but i did trust him 100 percent which i do. However it does make me feel very uncomfortable because I do not trust that this girl isn't going to attempt to sabbotage our relationship again, and not that our relationship couldnt cope with this, but neither of us need another episode of this from her. I have tried telling him this as plainly as I can.Have I done the right thing? Or should I have done what most my friends have said and said NO WAY your not going?.... I cant really see any point in this kind of reaction as i feel it would make him feel i didnt trust him, when that isnt the issuethanks.
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female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (28 January 2010):
 Dear Friend;
I admire ur courage. After I read u I give u credit because u come off as being very intelligent, calm, and I can sense the passion/love u have for ur b/f. I admire ur style to say the least. I feel u have done/said the right things to ur b/f and not made him feel as if u r over powering him. This is a good thing on ur part.
On the other hand. I know this is very stressful/painful for you. This girl in my opinion seeking something kind of power over ur b/f. It is not clear to me what and I dare not guess I have have my thoughts to go on, but can't be certain. All I can state is that this girl has issues. Be alert and I know u r reading the right signs. Don't doubt urself, because in ur writing u come off to be very in tune with what is going on.
About ur friends telling to tell him *NO WAY* I will add this. If you, your heart doesn't feel comfortable then there is no harm in going to u b/f and having a heart to heart talk. Communication in my opinion is the most inportant part of any relationship. I can tell by ur writing u r very skilled at this. I am sure u won't be harsh. Put ur heart on the table and explain to him as u have that u do trust him and u have told him in the past. This means much to man even a woman to hear those words. There is nothing wrong with u not wanting him to work with her either. I am sure ur b/f is able to find other work. If I may....You can stress to him that it is not that u don't trust him, but u don't trust her motives. Be honest but kind in ur words, he will hear this more clear. I can not guess this girls motives, but I can give my opinion which is that this girl has *issues* to deal with within herself. Don't allow them to spill into ur realationship with ur b/f. I like the way u think, it is clear, fair and very thought through. Above all plz don't feel bad if u decide to go through with asking him not to take this job. It will effect u even though u try/are being fair, understanding, and trusting. Over time I know it will effect you and also ur relationship. This is not so much a trust issue, it is more of comfort issue. Plz talk with ur b/f, take a day set it aside and be honest, which I know u will be. I say to u with great respect, choose ur words very carefully as u have ur letter which u r very competent, u have sufficient skills to commuicate, and the knowledge to do so.
I would like to add one more thing. About these love letters. In my opinion this is totally unaceptable. This girl has crossed the line. It is not only unappropriate, but also disrespectful, not only to u and ur b/f but also to herself, and her partner. If u can plz try to explain this to ur b/f. Ask him nicely to maybe take her name off his email list, even if is for a while so she *the other girl* will know it is not tolerated, nor acceptable. This girl needs to know her place and it can be done without words, or harshness. Actions u and ur b/f will take will speak louder than words.
I can tell u love ur b/f very much. And u in my opinion have handle it in the right fashion. But don't let this carry on if u r not comfortable with it, and I don't know what woman would be comfortable with. It is a toxic condition you r in..*this is my opinion only. You need to deal with it or it might poison ur relationship. Plz remember what I wrote, talk with ur b/f as u would want him speak with you.Sometimes kindness can defeat almost everything. Get u thoughts across to him in kind, heartfelt, caring way. He will not only listen, but he will also hear the love from it also.
I hope my suggestions have helped you. I know u will make the right choice. Again in ur words I can tell that u r a very caring person in ur thoughts and love this man very much. I will pray for you....good luck
((hugs))
salvadda
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