A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I found my husband had been flirty texting a work colleague from another office while we were going through a bad patch which is now truly resolved. He was full of remorse and promised he told her it had to stop and has proved with his mobile phone bills that this is true. Also, if I refer to it he gets very upset and really, really wishes it had never happened. However, about 2 months after this, he forwarded her an email (he doesn't know I can access them)in the form of a joke referring to men's penises. She did not acknowledge this in a return email (which I thought strange as she always acknowledges all his other emails which are actually purely about work)so I am left wondering are they in contact by some other means (he does have to phone her on the office phone sometimes over work related matters and attend a committee meeting every few weeks that she's also at). There has been nothing else suspicious since then, that I have been able to discover anyway. Why would he want to send her this if he is truly sorry for his first lot of philandering? This question keeps nagging at me but I can't say anything cause he'd go mad if he knew I was spying on his emails. Thanks for any advice or experience.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Emilysanswers,
Far from hating him, we are both madly in love again now as all this jolted me into reality. I don't trust him though as the texts I saw (which were the tip of the iceberg which he overlooked to delete) talked about loving and missing each other and feeling randy (he says it was all 'friendly banter' but they had got close as I was cold shouldering him) but one of her texts said she felt guilty leading him on as they had done nothing yet so at least I know it wasn't physical. He did send that email to one other colleague who I know is above board as it's his partners daughter and they have a jokey relationship. He didn't see fit to send it to me though and he deleted the one he sent to his flirting woman but I saw it in his deleted box. Why would he delete it if he doesn't know I can access his emails?
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (10 February 2009):
That sounds like the type of email that he would send to lots of people, not just her. Are you sure it was just to her?
The fact she hasn't responded says to me that she is keeping her distance and is no longer interested.
I think there comes a point where mistrust turns to paranoia. You have to stop checking up on every thing he does and hacking his accounts or you will just be sat there imagining it. Give him some trust since he has not done anything recently to say he doesn't deserve it.
You have to forgive him at some time or call the whole thing off. You can't stay hating him and mistrusting him forever, that is just going to be miserable for both of you.
Good Luck!! xx
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