A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I started dating a 25 year old guy. He was really sweet. We spent almost every day with each other. I even introduced him to my son. He explained to me that his ex girlfriend had robbed him and denied him the right to see his child. I saw that it still bothered him but I didnt really think anything of it because it happened two years before we met. I assumed he was over it especially since he was ready to establish a relationship with me. Three months later, I found out that I was expecting. He was excited but I felt like it was too soon. I really didnt know him that much. Also, I was raising my son, from a previous relationship, alone so i was far from ready to have another child. However, I decided to continue the pregnancy. Five months into the pregnancy, I learned on my own that he lied about his age and he was actually 33 years old making that a 14 year age difference. Little by little, I started to see changes and lies. He didnt want to be around me as much as he used to. He was lying more. He was hanging out with his friends every night. We broke up a numerous amount of times. Now my baby is 3 months old and he hasnt changed. Its gotten worse. He's giving out rides to other females. Also texting other women. He hangs out with his friends more than ever. I've done everything to keep him happy but nothing has changed. I feel used. I feel like he convinced me that this was love. That he really wanted a family but I think he was using me as a rebound just to try and get over what happened to him in his previous relationship. When i broke up with him, he told me that he was going to leave the state and move in with his other child. Totally forgetting our child. I've been there when he was broke. Now he's getting ahead financially and I'm not. He promised to help me. Now I'm stuck.I love him very much. I know I need to move on but I am afraid that he wont help out with his son. Afraid that he will disappear. Afraid to be alone. Any words of advice? Thank you
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male
reader, Who +, writes (24 April 2009):
 “When i broke up with him, he told me that he was going to leave the state and move in with his other child. Totally forgetting our child. I've been there when he was broke. Now he's getting ahead financially and I'm not. He promised to help me. Now I'm stuck.I love him very much. I know I need to move on but I am afraid that he wont help out with his son. Afraid that he will disappear.”
You need to see a family court lawyer now about getting a child support settlement with him. The first meeting with the lawyer will be free. They can tell you the process and what it will cost you, also what legal aid services are available to you in your state. The father of you baby is equally responsible for the baby’s financial needs, and for your baby’s sake you need to ensure he lives up to his responsibility. Don’t tell him you are doing this until you have filed in family court; if he gets to another state before that it will be almost impossible for the court to make him responsible. This may seem cold blooded but you have to do it; he has no one to blame for this but himself.
Best of luck stay strong. Take heart in Vixey’s example.
A
female
reader, Vixey  +, writes (24 April 2009):
 Your situation pulled at my heart strings as i too went through something similar.
The only difference being, i had been married to him for 17yrs before realising how bad things were, luckily he left me!
At the time however, it was the worst day of my life - a divorce & 4 yrs have passed since & i could'nt be happier, my 3 children are much happier too as they've seen their mam become stronger & more confident!
Now i have a new boyfriend who adores us all, as we adore him.
I was'nt looking for a relationship at all but sometimes it's when we stop looking that we find "true love" & i'm so glad that, looking back, my ex went off with another woman, otherwise i would'nt be where i am today!
It's what you want that matters & of course what's best for the children.
I thought i'd die on my own bringing up 3 children but he was hardly at home anyway & being in my own company for a few years has made me realise that i'm worth more than being used a doormat - i'm in control now - & you should be too!
Smiles ~ Vixey. :)
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