A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, here is the background information. I have been with my bf since i was 16, hes 7 years older. we have been together for 5 years now. When i finished high school, i went 400 miles away to go to college. we always talk every day, multiple times in the day. by this point i am fairly used to this whole long-distance thing now. we go - at most- 3 months from not seeing each other. Now here is my dilemma, when we first started our relationship- it wasnt like a traditional dating scenario, it was very secretive. now its very open to the public. but, i have been vey unfaithful to him. since we started dating- every so often i woudl go and mess around with some other guy. I honestly dont know why- i think it had to do with the fact that i was getting attention from these guys that i did this... So for a while- about 2 years i was compltely faithful to my BF. Then i went down a slippery slope again. I got drunk- messed around with some one- then unfortunately a few months later i messed around with another person- and so forth for 2-3 more guys/months. - Please know- after every time i deeply regretted this happened. i beat myself up over it time and time again. i dont know whats wrong with me, but thats also besides the point...I have decided that it would be good to take a break- becuase of all this horrible stuff i have done- plus- i feel as if i have no feeling towards him.... (this is the same was i feel towards my immidiate family).I want to be with him forever- but feeling like this- and keeping these secrets i feel will kill me... Also, there are so many other factors, such as racial issues, that i have to consider. he is deeply in love with me and will do anything for me, so he diecided that it was a good idea also for me to take this break- so that never again i have any doubts about our relationship. I really dont know what to do. I miss him already- and really regret everything that i have done wrong in the past- but im not sure how, or even if, i can live with that guilt for the rest of my life. Please give me some opinions... thank you.
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male
reader, dazednconfsed +, writes (5 November 2008):
honestly the only way you'll ever be able to move foreward is if you tell him the truth; completely. a relationship covered with lies is doomed to end. Aside from that, you have to ask yourself if you're really in love with him. Granted that you do like the attention other guys give you, if you really loved or are in love with him, you wouldn't cheat. There could even be a possibility that youre just comfortable with this person, certain that he'll never leave you and that you're afraid of change. if you're ready to come clean and be committed then great. if not, then you should stay single; otherwise, this cycle will keep continuing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI made a typo- i didnt mess around with 2-3 guys within one month-- it was over many months- say a year it was 2-3 guys....
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