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I cheated on my husband. Do I tell him or just let it pass?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 February 2021) 6 Answers - (Newest, 13 February 2021)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

What do I do?

Of late while my hubby has been neglecting me, I have been having increasing attention from other men in my social circles. The other day, I drank a bit too much when in a party. There was this younger man who seemed irresistible. We f***** until 3am. He filled me up. I returned home to find out that my hubby was still awake. He seemed to be in the “mood”. So I sucked him first then he started eating me. He liked my taste and I acknowledged it. BUt I felt guilty that I had been with another man. Should I confess or should I just let this pass as a one-off never to repeat it?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2021):

Hi

Yes, please do tell him, maybe he'll forgive you or maybe he won't, but at least it gives him a chance to break free. You have chosen your lifestyle and if it pleases you, then carry on with it, but don't be deceitful.

More importantly your irresponsible lifestyle as you point out and 'Kenny 'quite rightly mentions, LOCKDOWN?

I also thought we were all in Lockdown, so you were at a party!!!. You are free to do what you want if it affects you and you alone, this is your choice, but to break the lockdown rules, that most of the country have rigidly stuck by since Christmas is really shameful and illegal.

Don't you understand how your irresponsible actions can effect other people and possibly harm them during a pandemic and yourself.

You put your self at risk of STD's and Covid or Long Covid or even death. Stop been utterly selfish and thinking of your OWN PLEASURES and do something useful, like deliver groceries to the elderly neighbours who need help. Do something worthwhile, deliberate 'spreader' is not a nice legacy to leave behind.

Grow up!!!and I hope somebody finds out and reports who is holding the parties (I would no sweat) a lot of my family caught covid and trust me it nearly wiped them out only in their early 30's, and one of my normally fit and healthy active brother's, still can not work (key worker) since he had it, looks like long covid, all because of christmas a one day event.

Be sensible and have some self respect in all areas of your life.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (12 February 2021):

Honeypie agony auntThis gotta be a troll.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2021):

I don't think it matters whether you tell your husband or not. You don't seem to feel any remorse about what you did; so it apparently wouldn't be a matter of conscience.

Once you've cheated (it's a conscious and premeditated decision), it numbs your conscience anyway; so you're likely to cheat again. It emboldens you when you think you've gotten away with it; but eventually you'll get caught. From the calloused-frankness and unrepentant tone of your post; I suspect this isn't the first-time you've cheated on your husband...or it's unlikely to be the last.

If you didn't use a condom, you might have spread herpes or some other STD to your spouse; and your husband will know it could have only come from you. To add shock value, you mentioned he liked your taste; I guess that was your crass implication he was tasting the other guy's deposit.

If your husband waited up for you, seems inconsistent that you described him as neglectful. Then you go into graphic detail about what you did with your husband. My guess is your marriage is rocky and hanging by a thread; and it probably wouldn't matter whether you confessed or not. My other thought is that you made this all up just for something to do to kill time and boredom.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2021):

WOW OP.

You seem DESPERATE. If this post is real. Could be somebody who is bored during the pandemic. Hard to say.

First, you have got to be desperate if you are out and about at parties in the UK where the coronavirus is currently ravaging the population. You are supposed to be staying home. So, it seems shocking to me that not only would you put your life and other people's lives at risk (INCLUDING your husband) so that you can manage a meaningless FUCK, but you would also put your health at risk by potentially getting an STI and transmitting an STI to your HUSBAND! If you got one yourself, you were asking for it. Your husband WAS NOT.

Are you that desperate and immature that the moment you reach a rough patch with your husband (All marriages have rough patches), you rush out and FUCK another man. That is not normal behavior. In fact, it sounds like the behavior of a selfish teenager. Not an adult your age. I think you will probably fuck this stranger again, and perhaps fuck even more men because you have just gotten a taste of the forbidden. And that means the beginning of a sex addiction. The purpose of fucking other men is to ESCAPE THE PROBLEMS you have with your husband. Escape only lasts a short time. But the problems you have with your hubby "neglecting" you will never go away as long as you keep seeking distractions outside your marriage. In fact, your husband will find out what you are doing and then neglect you PERMANENTLY.

So many people don't understand that fucking others outside a marriage only makes matters worse. And in the end, you are effectively ending your marriage to your husband.

Have you ever tried to talk to him about your issues? Have you ever given your husband a chance to step up to the plate and work on fixing the issues with you before selfishly and callously abandoning him to fuck someone else? That someone is not your husband. He has not stood by you through thick and thick, better and worse. It is easy to walk in and penetrate an easy target, look like a stud, then walk away. He is just some drunk asshole who happened to take ADVANTAGE of a HORNY, DESPERATE older woman. Most guys would fuck a woman who throws herself at them. That is NOTHING to be proud of. In fact, you should feel ashamed. Not only that you were used by some guy who is probably boasting about you to his friends about what an easy lay you were. But also because you betrayed your husband so easily. How would you feel if he fucked a good looking young woman? Way younger than you? Likely way hotter too. You would not like it one bit!!

I think it is very egotistical and entitled of you to stroke your own ego by having sexual relations with two men in one night, one of them being your husband.

By the way, WHY is your husband not paying as much attention to you? That is only your perception. He is not here to tell us his side of the story. Perhaps you are misreading him? Have you been mistreating him? Are YOU bored with HIM? Does he feel like maybe you are the one who is pulling away for whatever reason? Look at your own behavior. Has this contributed to your husband's attitude towards you? If you have not talked to him, you have no idea. It is easy to say or think whatever you want as an EXCUSE to CHEAT. Then BLAME the other person. The other person is never to blame for you cheating. Does he have legitimate reasons? Do you even KNOW? Because someone who is part of a mature relationship should understand that there are possibly LEGITIMATE reasons for this and that it may be a temporary situation? You just ride it out as part of the up's and down's of marriage? Why? Because that is what married couples do who LOVE each other. It seems you do not love your husband at all. Why do you stay married to him? For financial support? For the kids, if any? You seem to be using him for stability while chasing a promiscuous lifestyle on the side.

I think you are deeply insecure and have a whole lot of issues you need to discuss with a therapist. It seems to me you are in no way ready for a serious relationship. Your own lack of self respect, poor impulse control, inability to communicate, ego issues and perhaps sex addiction will prevent you from having a healthy relationship with ANYONE. You are the kind of a person who needs to stay single until you have figured yourself out rather than drag down any man in your path.

Happiness comes from within. And so does self confidence. Fucking strange men in bars while drunk should be beneath you. Not something to brag about.

I suggest you tell your husband. And I do hope for his own sake that he leaves you and does not look back. I think there is NO REMORSE on your part. None that I gather from your post. And I think you are at very HIGH risk to re-offend. Unless you get some help for your issues.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 February 2021):

You say you felt guilty, but from your post you don't seem to regret or feel remorse and to be honest I think if the situation rises again you will do it again. H owever if you think this is a one off incident and will never to be repeated again then don't tell him and let it pass because telling him will not undo what happened and probably lead to the break up of your marriage. I hope he used condoms.

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A male reader, kenny United Kingdom + , writes (11 February 2021):

kenny agony auntFirstly the UK is in totally lock down, all pubs, bars, gyms, and social events are currently banned, but you still managed to go to a party and pick up a young dude and sleep with him, well done you.

As for telling your husband, well that's really a matter between you and your own conscience.

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