A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, I have been thru a lot in my years of marriage. My wife has lied and cheated so many times that I gave up any hope that we would ever grow old together. After her last round of cheating, I had had enough and decided to seek out a woman for some no strings sex. It seemed my wife had no problem having sex with anyone she wanted so nowing that my marriage was pretty well over I sought out a women for sex. I went to see an old girlfriend who now married was also in a bad marriage with a drunken cheater. She was more then willing to have sex and it became a now and then thing. Then she decided to not answer my calls or emails, a few months later she called me looking for some sex. I went and reconnected this sexual friendship. Now she has become very dependent on me for sex and wants it more than I do. To make things even more of a problem my wife has realized what she's done to ruin our marriage and is trying to do everything she can to try and restore it. That I am happy about. The problem is getting this women to let go of this sexual friendship. I told her how my wife was trying to resolve her infidelity and that I needed to give her a fair chance without any outside interference from her. She did not take this seriously calling my wife the slut of the county and said everyone fucks your wife.She also said my wife will never change and only wants the security of being married. I asked her again to please give me some space and that I needed some time to see if my wife is going to be honest with me. I didn't think that this women was ever going to give me any problems if we had to stop seeing each other, as we agreed before we started that if either one of us wants out, it would be respected. Now I have this to deal with. My wife has no idea that I was cheating on her, something I never would have done. I started cheating after the third time I caught my wife cheating on me. I figured if I caught her 3 times, she more then likely has done it dozens of times. At this point I would rather my wife not know, but if this women isn't willing to leave respectfully should I tell my wife I was secrewing my old girlfriend because of all the infidelity on her part?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): You're being silly.... Infidelity is not some 'accidental' happening... esp if it is repeated. Anyone in any relationship can understand its not rite to hurt the very person that loves you and you claim to love the most.... its just dumb excuses made by the guilty... ur wife shud know how much pain she has caused u already.. I'd agree with ur current girlfriend. but she's just a f**k buddy too, ur married gf. Get out of this whole situation, divorce ur wife. make her regret treating u like a whiny-li'l-pu**y.... Cos that's what this is all about. she not only cheated on u, broke ur trust and all that.. she also absolutely humiliated u. The person whom u treasure and value more than anything is prolly some bawdy joke to a whole bunch of other guys who have zero-respect for her... cos that's all slutty-whores are to you guys isnt it? of course it is. u deserve better than some easy whore. get out of the whole situation. tell ur gf to divorce her husband too, if she's smart.. and maybe u to can keep up ur sexual relationship atleast until u find each other, or someone else more worth ur while.
A
female
reader, candy00s  +, writes (21 July 2007):
 You need to talk to this woman you have been having sex with and explain to her that you were in a bad place and that she helped you through it but that (if you want to stop seeing her) it has to end.
Can you and your wife really start over? can you forget about what she has done to your marriage?
If you can they i think you should both get marriage guidance relate?
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A
female
reader, TaylorChu +, writes (21 July 2007):
 Amazing, your wife's actions has caused this domino affect to where 4 lives or more are affected.
1) You put your foot down and tell this other woman it is over and even reference a restraining order if you have to. She may have a horrible behaving husband but you arent her hero nor is there anything from keeping her from divorcing him.
2) Take your wife's desire of wanting to fix your marriage as her "seeing the light" and run with that. She wants to restore what was lost and that is a good thing.
3) You will have to tell her your wife that you cheated too. Living a lie doesnt make it go away.
Each of you made a choice and no one else can be blamed because you are responsible for your behavior and not that of the other adults in this situation. Again, tell the other woman that you and your wife are reconciled, apologize to her for even having sex with her and tell her that the affair is ended and will stay ended even with the help of police involvement.
I hope this mess is cleared quickly and no other people are hurt or revenged against.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): Your wife needs a lot of help. Can you trust her? You may have to come clean about the other woman while you figure out the answer. Your wife should understand afterall!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (21 July 2007):
 I agree with the anonymous poster. I hope everything works out just fine. I see you're in a hell of a problem.
As I see it, whatever happens, your priority now is to try to sort things out in your marriage. Given the cheating on both sides, I don't think that's going to work; but then this is the road you need to take. And then you'll see what to do.
I also wonder what the other lady expects from her relationship with you. She has problems herself. I don't think she will be friendly, but maybe you should try to help her solve her own situation. This is a lose-lose-lose-lose situation.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2007): I understand the anger and resentment you feel towards you wife over her infidelities, however as I'm sure you've now realised seeking revenge by doing the same was not a wise move. The fact that this other women has become attached is something you only have yourself to blame for. If you truly want to resolve things with your wife you will have to be honest with her as I'm sure you would expect the same in return. This may lead to the relationship breaking down, but I truly believe that unless you can base your relationship on the truth what is it really worth?
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