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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 17 and have been with my boyfriend since I was 14. I thought everything would be perfect. I was besotted and thought we would last forever. We are still together now but everything is going wtong. Our relationship is based on nothing. There is no trust between him for me and I know he thinks low of me. I feel a huge burden over us and feel as though I have the weight of the world on my shoulders. I do love him with everthing I have, I know I'm only 17 but I know....I cant talk to boys, he thinks by talking to a boy I'm automatically flirting or I'm going to be attracted to them. I reassure him I'm not, but my word isn't good enough. I lost my grandmother in January. He was there for me but at her funeral. An old boy mate of mine (not boyfriend) and I could tell he had a cob on, even at a funeral. To swear on a life or a grave makes him believe something, so when things get realy bad between us, I'm ashamed of it but I swear on her grave. I hate myself for it. I want to stop but it's the only way he believes me. There are days we are great together and we have a laugh but the days he's moody or I cant' be bothered all hell breaks loose. I need advice on what to do. I'm not leaving him; I want to be with him and that I'm sure of. I just think we both are insecure but we dont know why. We feel as though it's one thing after another and it's getting to a stage where I feel really angry inside when he's asking about boys. I think we need anger management or something. My head is crammed with tests, studies, love, him and everything else I think of on top of that. Please help me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2005): Don't let this guy control your life! Hey I admit I am not fond of my gf talking to her ex's as friends, but well if it makes her happy, that's fine with me. As long as she's not hurting anyone, it's cool. However, your special friend there seems too controlling! That's so full of bull, I find it offensive to 'us' males that some guys (and some girls) have to be so absolute in a relationship when it comes to having friends, etc. [sigh] Why the heck do you want someone like that? There is a saying in Cantonese/Chinese - "Jeen gak" - some women just love to have semi-abusive/abusive boyfriends/lovers. Why is that?
Take back your life! If he ain't into that, then you should really reconsider!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2005): honey you are only 17.you have so much ahead of you. my bf still accuses me of cheating or flirting, even if im talking to a family member he hasnt met yet. maybe hes not the one who can be trusted. if hes accusing you and not having proof then he has issue. its hard to let go of someone you love. at 17, you are still a child. im 20 and still a child, a bratty one for that matter, but guys will always come and go, and if you dont feel good about yourself and feel controlled, if you spend the rest of your life with him, youll feel miserble. ive been there, i stayed with mine for three years, have a child together, and i have never in my entire life felt so crappy and so insecure. i dnt even leave my house. hes out partying all the time, but im home takin care of our child. you dont want to end up like that, trust me, you have college, parties,guy friends and flings ahead of you. if you feel hes not worth it, move on, i know its easier said than done, but in the end, youll be happy and carefree knowing you are in control of your life. dont change who you are for no body. good luck
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2005): Forget the rest of the post, the key is in the first part... " I know he thinks low of me."
You need to honestly assess if you do have character deficiencies. Are you someone who does all sorts of creepy things and then says "Oh thats not me! You dont know me!"? You might have a great self-definition but is it based your actions or the fact that you dont think anyone has proof on you that will hold up in court?
If you think his feeling that you have low character are baseless, then I cant imagine a reason to stay in that relationship. "Great days together" are not a reason.
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female
reader, wishes +, writes (16 November 2005):
 You need to start having fun! Your relationship sounds very full on for only being 17 and thats fine, but you cant get tied up with the stress of it all and stop being yourself. You are both thinking too much and are putting pressure on the relationship because of that. My advise would be to do as many fun things together as you can. If you can, go away for the weekend. Plan a picnic- it doesnt have to be expensive, just try to relax and enjoy your time together. You also have to remember to spend time with your own friends as well. Dont let each other be the only thing that you do. Go to the movies with friends, have girls sleepovers. Miss each other. Let us know how you go with all that- I hope I have been some help! Best wishesx
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female
reader, amylynn +, writes (16 November 2005):
im sorry your man doesnt trust you but you need to realize a relationship needs to have trust if it doesnt then your not meant to be together trust is something you have to earn and unless youve broken his trust somehow then you really need to think that is he right for you? Is there more happy or sad times? Does he put into the relationship as much as you do? if you answered no to any of these then you seriously need to reconsider this one i know it doesnt seem like it but there are better guys out there and you dont need to limit your self to one just cuz youve been together so long i hope you actually consider what im sayin cuz i speak from experience lots of it
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