A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Last year, I started talking to my crush. He was a nice guy, funny, intelligent - the whole shebang. I've gotten to know him a little better this year and we've become friends.Lately though, I've been hearing some... not so nice things from/about him. Like apparently he's being going around telling everyone he thinks I have a crush on him. Which isn't so bad, but then it's gotten a litte worse - he's started being really bitchy/insultive towards me. I know he means them jokingly, because he said so the other day, but I can't help but feel immensley angry towards him. The behaviour came out of the blue, and while I do insult him a little sometimes, it's not as horrid as the way he does to me.The thing that annoys me the most is the way he expects me to be fine after his behaviour, and he seemed quite hurt when I ignored him the other day.Sometimes though, and I know it sounds a little stupid considering, I feel he likes me too. I know he's has a former crush he's pining after, but ever since we met he's stopped hanging out with her as much. If I seem to ignore him, he looks really hurt. When he sees me he smiles like it's going out of style. And I've heard that teasing is a way that guys show you they like you.My question is, what do I do? I enjoy talking to him but this behaviour is driving me up the wall. I know he considers me a friend and I don't think he sees anything wrong with his behaviour. Please don't reccomend me to speak to him about it, we're not the sort of people that could do that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): Give the guy something to think about - say straight to his face "I used to think you were such a nice guy but now I know you are a jerk!" I dont think that he is going to be able to take the hint otherwise.
You are going to have to be blunt with him as he sounds quite immature and doesnt understand that you dont carry on like that when you like someone. If you dont tell him how offensive his behaviour is, who is going to???
Good Luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): First of all, I am sorry you feel your crush is being horrid towards you, that's never nice to experience, but you are right! Often guys start acting out in nasty ways towards girls they like. It's an easy way of them dealing with feelings that they're not sure how else to deal with.You said he means the insults jokingly, but obviously he's taking them too far without realising that it is upsetting you. Unfortunately I don't think ignoring him will help the situation much, as it appears to be not only upsetting him, and he will never understand the reason your ignoring him unless he's told, but would mean you losing out on spending time with someone who's company you enjoy.He appears to know that you like him also, which might be giving him the idea that he has the right to insult you so much. There are a few possible solutions you could try here without speaking to him directly about it. The first is by showing him how little you think of his insults. As soon as he says something that you feel has overstepped the mark, tell him you thought that was a bit much! Look completely unimpressed and uninterested with his comment. He may begin to get the hint!The other thing to try would be not to ignore him, but ignore any silly comments he makes, either by casually walking away or making an excuse to leave everytime he says something too mean. This would hopefully give him the hint too!Unforunately though, not everyone is great at picking up on hints and if the above doesn't work after a while, you may find you have to speak to him. But you could try this casually, just after something he has said. Even something as little as 'the insults are getting a bit boring now',and leave it at that!I hope you find his behaviour picks up soon! Good luck!
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