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*rokenheart82
writes: I just got with a girl (been together for 4 months) and lately i've been feeling really insecure with her. lately i've been going crazy thinking she is going to cheat on me or if she gets back into contact with her ex. She has a child with her ex and i understand that she will have to be in contact with him due to the child. She has also told me that he has sent her poems and messages that he misses her and wants her back. She has been with him for 5 years and has taken a lot of abuse from him. I felt like i was a rebound but she says that she is totally in love with me. I do love her as well and i know i have to adjust to her son, but i feel like i am going crazy since i keep having all these thoughts in my head that she might still want him and i am just a rebound. I start thinking that she is doing something behind my back and i also feel like she still talks to him. When i think these thoughts i always close up and begin to act stubborn with her and we end up arguing. I don't know what to do to stop myself from thinking these thoughts...Am i going crazy?...i feel like i should just be single and not be with anyone....i don't know if i will ver be at peace with myself..
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reader, Brokenheart82 +, writes (31 July 2011):
Brokenheart82 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I'm Pushing her away and it's hurting us. What can I do to reassure her and not push her away and make her understand I'm not like the rest...?
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reader, Brokenheart82 +, writes (31 July 2011):
Brokenheart82 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to trust her and be happy with her but my stubbornness kicks in and I just close up on her, and thus begin arguing with her. I had already known of the messages since day one but the poems I just found out about recently. She had Broken things off one day because he wasn't sure if she wanted to be with me or if she wanted to go back to her old life. We talked things out and she decided to stay with me since she realized that after 5 years of giving her ex a chance why not me. I personally thought that was effed up what she did but I care about her so much that I still want to be with her. I am slowly trying to trust her more and more but I tend to think things and it puts me in a stubborn mood with her. I just can't seem to understand why I do this and why I can't let it go. I know I have been improving on my stubbornness and attitude. I have also been trusting her a little more. But I know it's also taking a toll on her and also frustrating her. She told me this is like a relationships where they all say the same thing and nothing changes.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2011): Ask yourself objectively if your girlfriend gives you any reason to think she might cheat. Be very fair. Does she seem eager to be in contact with her ex, or under grudging obligation? Consider the facts too. She told you about the poems and messages - people who have nothing to hide don't hide anything! You fear you're just a rebound for her, but if she didn't want to be with you, why would she stay?
Personally, it doesn't sound to me like there's anything going on. I think the fact that your girlfriend has been with you for only 4 months in comparison to 5 whole years with her ex is to blame for most of your insecurity - all the more so because they have a child together, so must always maintain some sort of contact. If she's telling you you aren't a rebound and that she loves you, unless her behaviour shows otherwise, believe her!
Above all though, don't clam up. Good relationships are built on a foundation of communication; be honest about what's troubling you so misunderstandings can be avoided. And most importantly, think about her child. For his sake, a workable compromise has to be found between yourself, your girlfriend and her ex. I'm sure with trust, patience and goodwill on all sides, you'll find it soon enough. Good luck and take care :)
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