A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, Please help!! I am so clingy, and insecure that I keep calling and texting my new BF of five months. Sometimes up to five times a day, and it's starting to drive him mad, and he says he thinks I am keeping tabs on him. I am so so scared of losing him, and feel so sick and am actually driving him away. I;ll give yu an example of what happnens to me. He will call me, and I wil have had my 'fix' for a bit. Then I get theses horrible trigger points during the day and evening where I just text or call for no good reason. It;s like i feel sick and wonder what's up then call him, and then I am ok again for a bit, but then the cycle begins again. I have even left my cell phone at home to stop myself, but then end up calling him from my work phone. I am now trying to get busy and am doing stuff alot of the time to occupy myself, but I still get these horrific all consuming urges to call and text him and I act on them very quickly. I don;t wnat to lose him, and I want to respect his space. Has anyone ever had this problem before? it;s not even a head thing, it;s like a physical thing where I just reach for the phone He has now started pointing it out, and it;s bugging him. What on earth can I do to stop these impulsive urges? and what are they? Thanks ;o)
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female
reader, mystiquek  + ♥, writes (25 July 2011):
 If you dated someone that disappeared for periods of time, then yes, of course you feel insecure. You just have to remember that your new guy isn't the old guy. Don't compare the two. Remember that, it will make you feel better. For me, I really did have to force myself to stop calling (we never did text each other). Every time I started to call him I had to say "Ok, WHAT are you doing? WHY are you doing it?" And I thought to myself "Ok, I wouldn't like it if he kept calling me..." I just had to tell myself "ENOUGH!" I turned my phone off, and wouldn't check it for a couple of hours. Hard to do, but I made myself turn it off. I would read, go for a walk, clean, WHATEVER...anything to keep my mind off of my phone. Yes, the urges did wear off over time, it took about a week when I finally stopped wanting to call all the time. I talked to him about it too, and expressed my fears and my feelings. I apologized for calling so much and explained that I felt very insecure (Long distance relationships don't help those feelings at all). He told me I had nothing to worry about, and that I had to trust him and believe him that he would always call me when he could, but he certainly couldn't pick up the phone every time I called especially if I called several times a day. I had to accept it. Deep down inside, I knew he was right. You have to be strong. Its not easy, especially if you have been hurt or cheated on (I was), but if you have a good guy, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Trust him and remember that he will call you. But remember that he does have a job, a life, and yes, he does need space. And so do you. You're going to be fine, just take it one day at a time. Hey, its ok to call someone that you love and say "hi"...but you have to have patience and let them call when they can. And he will. Just hang in there. It gets easier, really it does. I won't lie, sometimes I do get anxious when he doesn't call when I thought he would, but I fight it, and treat my phone like its poison..I won't pick it up unless I hear it ringing. I hope I have helped you. Feel free to PM if you want to talk more. Take care.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMystiquek, THANK GOD SOMEONE ELSE UNDERSTANDS!! thanks for your answer. My one is busy too.. and I know that. I just get so needy it is untrue and I KNOW he cannot always answer the phone, yet I still call him back and in the end he switches it off as he gets annoyed with me, and then I work myself up into a state all day, then when he finally calls me back in the evenings when he CAN talk, I am in a mess, and upset and we fall out, and hs says I COULD NOT ANSWER YOU AS I WAS BUSY!! I even call him first thing in the morning sometimes...it;s really yucky stuff, as I instantly regret it and feel silly the moment I have done it, as I have nothing to say to him. I came out of a disastrous relastionship a while back where the guy would dissapear for days on end and since then I have not been able to trust anyone, and I hate myself for acting on these impulses.. they are so overwhelming it is untrue. Then if i switch it off, I wont; know if he has called, so it;s a no win situation. I know like your one, he wil call me when he can, and I need to accpet that. There are a few trust issues that have caused this, but I can;t keeep worrying and feeling sick and acting on it all the time.How excatly did you stop? did the urges wear off over time? how long did it take? How did you fight them? thanks xx :o)
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (25 July 2011):
Yes, I have been where you are, and its HORRIBLE. Let's be honest, most men get very turned off be insecure clingy women, and turned off FAST. Do you have a reason for being so needy with him? Did he cheat on you? Or have you been cheated on in the past? Do you trust him? Or not? I really do understand how you feel, but seriously you need to get things under control or its very likely that you will lose this man. I was in a LDR and felt very insecure about my guy. I was usually ok unless we had a disagreement and then sometimes I would call him 5 times within 1 hour, especially since he wouldn't answer, or turn his phone off.He was a doctor, and it was impossible at times for him to call me back right away. I knew this but still... It was driving me insane. If he wouldn't call when I thought he was supposed to, I'd freak out. He never said anything to me like your guy did, but I realized what I was doing, and stopped doing all the calling. It was hard, really really hard, but I forced myself to stop worrying and stop calling him. I made myself put the phone away, turn it off, and did other things.I knew eventually he would call me, and he always does. Now the only time I call him is early morning to wake him up and say hello. He always calls me, and I have accepted that he'll call when he can. And the same with your guy..you either trust him, or you don't. If he cares, he WILL call you. I promise. And if he doesn't call, well then he wasn't worth your time. But constantly calling him will not make him happy, trust me. Good luck. Have some faith in your relationship.
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