I can't leave husband but can't stand for him to touch me

A female age 41-50, *eallylost writes:

U don't even know where to begin. Me and my husband hardly agree on anything. We have 3 daughters together and I have 2 boys from from before him. He treats my sons so differently than our girls. They are both great kids. They are both honor roll students very sweet kids. But he only sees the bad in them. He treats them like they are his maids. Our daughters are 4 (twins) and 3 years old. They are constantly making messes and he fusses at the boys for it and expects them to pick up after them. He is so anal about it. They will get punished from the TV for months at a time if he finds a little piece of paper on the floor after he tells them to pick up. I do believe that when you have a large family everyone should help. And I do make the girls help too but they can only do so much. But what he expects out of them is not realistic. He beleives their room should always be kept perfect. They are boys, its never perfect. Anyway its a constant fight that we have been fighting for 4 years. When I step in when he is giving one of his stupid speeches and say NO they are not going to bed early, they have done their chores. He threatens to cut the cable off from their room to make sure they won't watch TV. My oldest is 13 and the other is 10. They never get to do what most kids do. Its wake up, go to school, come home do chores eat, bathe then time for bed for 8:00. He expects us to have the house totally clean at all times. I have never been a clean freak. He grew up with a mother that always has her house perfect. Well she only had 2 kids. I can't do it. He does NOTHING to help around the house. He only cuts the grass. And that's about once a month. But before he does that, me and the kids have to run around the damn yard making sure everything is picked up. I do the hedging. The boys rake. I fix everything else. He comes home from work and will throw his empty coke bottle on the ground and will fuss at the boys and punish them if they walk by it and not pick it up. He doesn't have that hard of a job. He might work 5 or 6 hours a day for a pest control company. I wait on him hand and foot. Constantly picking up after him. He won't even allow me to grocery shop. He is so controlling. I will go 4 months straight sometimes without leaving the house. I have no access to money. I have to ask him for everything. Before we got together I was totally independant. It kills me to have to beg for more toothpaste or deoderant. And when I do need something he always says "well, what you gonna give me?" I hate him. I hate the way he treats me. I hate the way he treats the kids. He is the only one allowed to ever get anything. My sons birthday was in Feb and he was given 30 bucks from his grandmother and he talked my son out of that money. He lied and said he would buy him a jersey like his. Never got the shirt. I haven't bought clothes since I moved here with him. Can't ever afford it because he blows all of "HIS" money on himself. Just bought a drum set and he has never played the drums. He gets obessed with things. His first thing was guns. And it can't be used stuff. He has 2 gloks a shot gun and a army rifle. For nothing just hiding in the closet to collect dust. Then it was jordons. Then jerseys. Games. DVD's. Nothing for our family. If I had the money I would have been gone long ago. But the way he has it all set up. There is no way for me to save anything to leave. I'm stuck. I stay so depressed. Think about suicide daily but I could never leave the kids with him. He is too hateful. I have no way out and I just can't take it anymore. I'm miserable and so are the kids. Everyone gets so excited when he leaves. We can be normal for a while. Instead of getting excited for the weekend we get sad cause he will be here. When I try to talk to him about anything, I get the rolling eyes and he says "here we go". So we hardly even talk anymore. He refuses counseling. He thinks he knows what's best. I hate when he touches me. it grosses me out. He screams at me in front of the kids. Calls me a stupid bitch. He has no friends. His family doesn't really like him. He doesn't want me to have friends or even my family over. I don't have anyone that could take us in. I'm stuck here with him. And when I have threatned to leave in the past. He makes comments about his rifle and his scope. He says "he will not live without his kids. He has only gotten physical with me once because I threatened to call the cops and he tried to take my phone and he ripped my shirt taking it from me. He does have a domestic violence charge on his record from his ex. I just try to keep the peace as much as possible so it doesn't come to that. Even if I could leave. It would be with no money and no vehicle. And what kind of a job could I get that would pay for child care and pay the bills. I only have a highschool diploma. Min wage wouldn't make it. I just don't know what to do. If anyone has any good advice, I would really appreciate it.

View related questions: depressed, grandmother, his ex, money, violent

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010):

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A male reader, Myau  +, writes (16 May 2010):

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010):

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