A
male
age
36-40,
*tstgih
writes:Hey All,First time posting here and I just want to thank anyone who answers in advance! I'll start off by saying that I have the most beautiful, adorable and amazing girlfriend in the world. She's really very fun, understanding and very honest to me and upfront when I ask her about things which brings me into the topic at hand. I don't last long in bed. She's been patient with me for the duration of the relationship but it's not getting any better and she's sexually frustrated. I get her off orally, finger her I do whatever I can to compensate for my lack of stamina but I know it's just different with penetration. I really don't know what to do everyday I'm wracked with guilt and feelings of immasculinity over this, she's right to be upset just not giving her what she wants sexually hurts. I swear I try to hold it in I even pull out when I feel it. I love her so much and I promised her I'd give her the best so I'm just frustrated with myself. What do you all think?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 October 2015):
 You can only do your best, and your best is always good enough. If she's so understanding and sweet, I am sure she does NOT feel disappointed in you. Sounds to me like you give her everything she needs sexually. Has she complained directly to you, or something, since you seem so convinced she is disappointed?
I think she's happy as can be, and YOU are the one being disappointed, because you've watched too much porn and heard too many locker room stories about how women supposedly want it for hours. We don't. The average time for an intercourse is 2-3 minutes. If what's how long you last, then you're spot on average. If she wants more, and you want to give her more, then my suggestion is to buy a dildo about the same size as yourself (or smaller, because anything bigger will be uncomfortable for her). Then use that to play with her before you enter her, or after, in addition to using your fingers.
There's a lot more to sex than intercourse. And just to kill that other disillusion you probably have: bigger is not better. Women like the average size, or smaller, because a larger penis is just uncomfortable for most, and in some cases painful, and offers no further pleasure than an average penis. The most pleasurable area in the vagina is a couple inches in, as proven by your ability to get her off using just your fingers....
A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (25 October 2015):
 Tried wanking to the point of near ejaculation then stopping? Bit like restraint training.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (25 October 2015):
 Hi Ttstgih
Her biggest sexual organ is her skin. As is yours. You also adore her and no doubt feel very stimulated by being in close proximity to her.
The next most important organ is your mind. What you keep on telling yourself is ''reality'' can become an outcome and a belief that defines you.
So start each morning with a positive affirmation. Such as ''Ttstgith you are a skilful good lover and with practise you are going to become an awesome satisfying lover who can last a little longer than his girl expects and satisfy her.''
Think of a sporting team. If they start a match with a belief that they can't win then they often become a self fullfilling prophecy. Belief in you is a powerful tool that can overcome many barriers to success.
Keep on concentrating on foreplay though don't just limit it to the parts you think matter. Think of every part of her skin as being available and needing your attention. Think butterfly kisses with your eyelashes.
Show your delight in her with your words and your actions.
Her mind too will welcome your lovely words of encouragement and appreciation. Tell her often what pleases you about her.
Because being a good lover who satisfies
a woman is far more than just pentration.
Your commitment and you caring about these things is no doubt very endearing to your girlfriend.
Hold your head up high and be proud of the fact your care.
Embrace the fact that you are a satisfying good lover since you are concerned about satisfying her and you pay attention to this need on a regular basis.
Keep up the good work. Try to see sex as a fun activity that's going to light up your life. A great deal of the fun of sex is all the activity prior to any entry of your beloved.
She's looking forward to be pleasured. She not there with a clipboard scoring you while looking at a stop-watch.
Shake things up a little from time to time. spend a weekend somewhere else, together, occasionally. Feed her some peeled grapes. Hand feed her strawberries dipped in chocolate.
Try kissing with an ice cube in your mouth and swap the icecube back and forth, between the two of you, until it's melted.
Relax a little and refrain from the ''how was it?'' your insecurity is more likely to derail things rather than your perceived failings, as you see it, in her eyes.
Put your efforts into bringing her to climax several times before you even think of using your penis. That way she'll
be so mellow that she will be floating on air before you reach your orgasm.
In time, as you are committed to holding on longer, you will learn to delay and to expect to be able to delay your response by relaxing more and coming to appreciate that you are a better lover than you imagine.
If you want to ratch up your effort a little higher you could consider using a registered professional hypnotherapist who can give you the support and the outcome that means so much to you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 October 2015):
 Considering the FACT that 80% of women don NOT come from penetration alone I think your "feeling emasculated" is more based on YOUR end of the deal than hers.
Women have MOST of their nerve endings (that help produce orgasms) in their clitoris NOT in the vagina (considering how much a vagina has to accommodate not only during sex, but childbirth! that is a good thing (it would hurt WAY too much of we did have many nerve ending in the vagina itself).
The second FACT, IF you please her orally and "manually" (fingers/hands) you ARE pleasing her.
FIND her favorite erogenous zones/areas don't just focus on her vagina area. Have at it.
I know guys think that their penis IS the most important part of sex.... it just really isn't. For most women it's about the closeness, the intimacy, the pleasing and being pleased - not just the in/out. So STOP beating yourself up that you don't last as long as you "think" you should. And START enjoying the sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2015): I recommend that you read the book, The Multi-Orgasmic Man. This book will teach you how to prevent early ejaculation, and will teach you that the best sex actually takes place when male orgasm is only practiced after your balls have accumulated a lot of semen.
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