A
female
age
36-40,
*-hunny
writes:Hi, about a month ago I accidently came across some opened e-mails from dating sites in my boyfriends e-mail account (he always forgets to signout so hotmail opened up to his, and I didn't realize it was his right away). Anyways, he denied opening them, then finally he admitted to it, saying he didn't know why he did. Then a few weeks later I was going through the comp history looking for a source I had used for a paper, and came across some dating sites in the history, one for a site to have an affair. I clicked on them and they took me to "his" profile. He denies creating these profiles, and they didn't have any out messages on them, but....I can't help but feel like he is lying to me. He says the sites must have "stolen" his info. We have been together for over 5 years, and live together. Has anyone heard of dating or affair sites stealing personal info? Am I over-reacting? or being foolish by believing him?Thanks!!!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 January 2010): I think is lying im sorry :S. These sites dont have created hack account like this. They dont really care they wan people to speak between them so they can put un computer. And a hacker could not put the same info as your husband
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): I think the proof of his lies was right in front of you when you found these dating sites in his email account.So thereforeyou are not overreacting. Dont let him make you feel bad when he is in the wrong. I am going through a simular situation but my man is in total denial to the point where I am just getting fed up with it.People tell you to let go and dump guys like this but its not that easy when you love someone. But ask yourself are you ever going to be happy with him knowing he has those f-up dating sites? and you dont want to think about it but this raises lots of doubts. Does he love really love you?Is he cheating on you? Why is he doing this to you? I know how it feels because I am asking myself the same questions. I am thinking about leaving him but thats going to be hard on me. But I shouldent let him do this to me either stuck in a rut!
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A
female
reader, Sadnat  +, writes (17 December 2009):
 you will need to move out my dear
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A
female
reader, t-hunny +, writes (15 December 2009):
t-hunny is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi everyone!
Thank you all for your responses. Just to give you all an update: He still denies the profiles, and he says he doesn't know why he opened the emails. I broke up with him as I cannot be with someone I can't trust. Hmm...too bad we share an apartment, should be interesting :(
Thank you all again!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Hiya hes definately lying to you. He joined the sites. I will say however, that while a site cant `steal` his information and start an account without his knowledge as hes trying to suggest, some dating sites have a sister site. And often the site thats been joined will automatically transfer profile information to the sister site. This being the case, he would have needed to join sites for them to transfer his information to others in the first instance! And he will have recieved emails informing him of any transfers. Dating sites do not randomly `steal` information and set up unsolicited profiles. So dont fall for such a weak excuse.
As you have discovered him on dating sites and seen emails to him from dating sites, youve caught him out! Its as simple as that. The fact that there werent any messages at the time you looked doesnt mean much as they can be deleted once read.
You could make up a profile and see what happens but he might be very wary now and delete the profiles because he knows youve found them. What hes done/doing is a massive breach of trust as you know now that he may have met women from sites for sex/affairs.
The first step is to think of your own safety and request he has a STD check up at your nearest clinic. You have to contend with the idea that he may have been unfaithful, so if hes going to be reasonable he can hardly refuse to be tested for you. You could also ask for his passwords to dating sites/affair sites, email accounts/msn and check his phone, so you can assure yourself he hasnt been in contact with women for sex and affairs. But i rather doubt he will agree to that. I know how upsetting it is to discover a partner is...at the very least...looking for someone else. It happened to me. I discovered an ex partner on several sites but when confronted he didnt know how his information got on the sites! All a total mystery to him! I half beleived he was being honest but i left him. We kept in contact though. A year later i asked him to be honest with me about the sites, because it had always bugged me i might have made a mistake following my gut instinct. He confessed he had joined the sites and met women. But added he had never met anyone as lovely as me and he asked for a second chance. I withdrew contact altogether at that point.
If he is an unfaithful love rat, try the mobile phone method. Buy a second sim card and text him a random message as from one girl to another planning a night out. When he respinds as he probably will get chatting, flirty and you will soon know if hes a player or a decent guy. My sister did that to her partner following suspicions about him. She was horrified at the result! So be warned you may get more than you bargained for x
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A
female
reader, Sadnat +, writes (14 December 2009):
i think he is lying, never smoke without fire.
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A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (14 December 2009):
 I agree about testing it, it seems "bad" to do or whatever, but it's bad for him to lie about this. Yes, it sounds like he's lying. It's possible his friend's set it up as a joke, but that's not what he said. I'd guess that yeah, he lied. If that's the case you might need to leave him.
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A
female
reader, kissmenow +, writes (14 December 2009):
i personally think he is lying. no web site steals info and creates a persons profile. if you saw that he has e-mails from this and a profile... he did it. I think you should go onto the site, put a sexy photo of someone else, and contact him. if he replies.... uv caught him red-handed. good luck.
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