A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi, my husband and i are having sex problems. he thinks I dnt luv him and that he doesnt turn me on i gave birth a year and 5mos ago and have been through a really rough time. My husband was deported the day of the babys birth, then i moved with him 1 month later to peru, mos later my close aunt past away whom i was really close to and 3 mos after that my grandfather past. I have been through a lot and i dont feel the urge to have intercourse with my husband although i tell him that i love him. he is very active and wants it every day. i find it difficult to get self lubricate and some positions that were my favorite are just not comfortable anymore. what can i do, this is really putting a strain in our relationship. he doesnt want to go to counseling and we have spoken about this before i guess he thinks this problem will take care of itself. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Sandman  +, writes (12 October 2007):
 Well, I definitely think you need counseling. Not that your crazy or anything, but that you have been through a lot of stuff, and it's weighing heavily on your mind (or so it seems).
Sex STARTS in the mind - it's psychological at first. Desires, lusts, passions begin by thinking about them - so because your mind is flooded with other issues like your aunt passing and a grandparent passing - your mind (you) isn't wanting sex because it isn't focused on sex. So it is for this reason that I think counseling will help for you. The therapist may be able to help you release the anger or sorrow you are still feeling about your recent familial deaths and be able to move on with your life.
Your husband is partly right in thinking that the problem could take care of itself. It's possible that with a little time, you will begin to have sexual desires again and start having your regular sexual escapades with your husband. But there are times when time just isn't healing like it should and we need a little boost to help us get through the hard times. A little counseling could help in this matter. And if he's totally not wanting to go, that doesn't mean you can't go. You can go by yourself. That's perfectly normal.
Hope this helps.
A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (10 October 2007):
Try some store bought lube like KY Jelly. Put it on him and yourself. Make it your new game. When having sex try thinking only of you husband.
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A
female
reader, flower girl  +, writes (10 October 2007):
 The not being comfortable in some posistions that you were before is all down to the huge trauma your body has been through since having a baby, i went through the same thing and you just have to adjust and find posistions that are comfortable for you.
Maybe with all that you have been through it is possible that you are suffering with depression as that can turn you off sex, and if you are really not up for it then you will find it hard to self lube.
Maybe you could try visiting your doctor and explaining how you are feeling and see if your husband can go with you, it might be that you will be prescribed some anti depressants for a while to see if that helps, you could always try buying some lube aswell to help out in the mean time.
Take care.xx.
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