A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am not normally one for holding grudges, but I just can't seem to see a way past this. Last year my boyfriend whom I've had a long distance relationship with for four years, took me to his hometown to meet his closest friends. They were all ok, except this one guy who was just determined to get off on the wrong foot with me. He really treated me like something he found under his shoe. He made fun of my appearance, "did you put your make-up on with a trowell?" And "do people actually still wear those jackets where you come from?" And it didn't stop there. He kept winding me up to try to make me paranoid, saying my boyfriend has had sooo many opportunities for sex when I am not around, and all this in front of my boyfriend, who stood with his thumb up his ass while he tried to make a fool out of me! This makes me so angry at him. Also, he kept saying, he wanted to talk to my boyfriend in private, and my boyfriend just followed him like a little dog, and I had to stand there making small talk with people I didn't know while they "talked in private." I still get angry about this, that he allowed someone to treat me like that. I feel he can't love me if he allowed it. He has recently fallen out with the guy, when he seen for himself what an ass he was, but I'm so cross that he didn't see it for himself before and how he just seemed to think his behaviour was acceptable. This friend has poisoned all his other friends against him and now he has no mates, and as harsh as it sounds, I've no sympathy for him. I am being very dry with him at the minute because I feel that if he didn't stick up for me like that before, then he'll allow it to happen again, and will become a spineless little boy again when I need him most. Has anyone got any tips on forgiving and forgetting, because I'd love to hear them.
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female
reader, MSA  +, writes (20 October 2014):
 This "friend" already ruined your visit to your boyfriend's hometown. This "friend" has already betrayed and hurt your boyfriend. How much more negativity are you going to allow this "friend" to bring to you and your boyfriend?
OK, your boyfriend didn't react as you wished for him to react to that "friend's" attacks toward you during your visit. Let that go and let the past be the past. No one is perfect. Stop allowing that "friend's" actions to continue hurting the relationship you have with your boyfriend.
If you still want to be in a relationship with your boyfriend, then it's time to start concentrating on you two.
Cheers & best of luck!
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (20 October 2014):
 It sounds very much to me that both of these guys are social misfits in a way.I can't blamr you for feeling violated by the rudness of the friend and the lack of response from the bf. Consider this though; Whatever planet(homeland) thes two are from has a cultural void that common sense is not going to heal. The culture these two jerks are from is alien to me and you should think very carefully about even wanting to forgive and forget. The whole thing sounds too bizzare for normal folks such as yourself to try to be invilved with. He could be cute and all but he may as well be from Jupiter or Mars.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2014): Maybe your boyfriend is still growing in maturity and self confidence.
Sit down with him and let him know how you felt because of his inaction; what you'd have liked him to do. Maybe he can grow from this.
But your tone is so spiteful and full of resentment I wonder if there is more going wrong in this relationship than you are letting on.
In the end, you can't really change people. You adjust a bit, he adjusts a bit and hopefully you find a happy medium.
You sound far from happy right now.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2014): You reminded me of someone, my husbands friend. He was and still is the biggest asshole I ve ever encountered. He would comment on my appearance also. And my husband also said nothing. When I asked my husband doesn't he see what his friend is doing. My husband who was friends with him from childhood didnt even notice.
But you know what, now years passed. His friend never changed. His wife left him, he keeps changing girlfriend after girfriend. My husband and I still happily married, and we never see him anymore. My husband also understood what an ass he was and is, and he doesn't even call him on his birthday.
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