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I can't cope through this breakup!

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 January 2007) 7 Answers - (Newest, 16 April 2008)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I feel so stupid posting on here. But, I am so distraught. I know that no one can really say one thing to make me feel better but I need a helping hand. I am going to see a counselor, too. But, I am falling. I had a break up a couple of months ago. I am not doing well at all. I talked to him last night. He said that he missed me but didn't want to talk to me to cause me anymore pain. The thing is we have the same friends so I see him around. I have never had this hard a time getting over someone. I don't understand why I can't. I go out with friends and do all kinds of things. But, I am completely miserable. He really loved me at one time. Then everyone says that he got scared and said that he didn't see a future with me.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008):

I can todally understand how you feel. I do 100%. The guy that i loved more then anything told me he didnt love me anymore randomly out of the blue about a mounth ago. We we're together 2.5 years and thought we be with each other for the rest of our lives. Like you i see him all the time. We have some of the same frinds, have the same classes and get this we're neighboors!!! i see him everyday. Its so hard to go on like everything is ok. but it gets easier. you will find that your gonna be ok. and that if this guy wasnt meant for you God has another one in mind. The best advice i was given is to focus on you right now. get your body, your mind, and your spirt in perfect condion and develop yourself before you jump into anther realtionship or find someone. there are always a million fish in the sea, but if you and your guy are meant to be together you will be when the times right.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2007):

I want to thank all of you for your advice. It really helps to hear that I am not alone. I just miss him like crazy. I love him. But, I told him that I wish him well and hope he finds happiness (hard to mean that, but I am trying to be the big person). I am trying so hard to move on. I just can't seem to forget all the good that used to be.

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A female reader, Evangeline  United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2007):

Evangeline  agony auntHi,

You shouldn't feel stupid about posting messages on here or being upset, you have split up with someone who you obviously cared about a lot and it is perfectly normal and human to be upset. 'A couple of months ago' is not very long ago so please dont be hard on youself about getting over him so soon.

There is a lot of pressure to 'get over relationships' quickly nowardays, but in truth, very few people actually do - so dont feel bad that your finding it takes longer than you would imagine it to.

There is not really anything you can do at the moment to make youself feel better - splitting up with someone can be a bit like mourning someone that has dies sometimes (i know it sounds weird - but belive me), and so it is something that you just have to sit out. However there are ways you prevent yourself from feeling worse; for example when you with your mutual friends, try to restrain yourself from asking about him/talking about him - anything you hear back will make you feel worse, so try and keep the subject off of him as best you can (i know how tempting it is to fire loads of questions at friends - but from expierience it only makes you feel worse).

Also if you feel the impulse to talk about it, try to talk to friends who arn't mutual or your councillor - or hey come on here! as it is unfair to the people caught in the middle and again it will just make you feel worse (if they've told you what he's said about being scared and not ready - they'll tell him what you say), and they are probably not bad friends, but just find it hard being caught in the middle.

Also DON'T call him - its the last thing you need right now, please try to fight the temptation! You really need space for youself - to work things out for you.

Most importantly remember, that while it might not work out with this guy, you dont know what the future holds; you sound like a very passionate, caring person, which are two very attractive qualities for any man. Also remember that there is not one mr. right for us, but several men out there that would make very good partners - so dont get worked up about 'missing out' on him.

You will meet someone who you will feel the same way about again - and it will work out.

Good luck

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A male reader, freddie85 +, writes (23 January 2007):

Hey i dont no what to say only that ur nt alone im in the same boat i cant get over her.... she did love me once then the next time it was over.... it does really hurt all i gotta say is try n do other things n not think about them!!! im not gonna tell u to move on cause i cant n if u feel the same waay as me i no u couldnt either........ all i gotta say is keep ur chin up n if u need to chat gimme a shout!!!! x

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A female reader, NuttyGooner United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2007):

NuttyGooner agony auntFirst of all, let me offer you a huge hug!

Secondly, your ex has done the right thing, he is trying to let you down gently.

Thirdly, is there anything you secretly wanted to take up but didn't want to tell anyone? (AmDram/Line Dancing/Yoga/gym?) - now's a good time! With a new year, there's a good excuse to go out and expand your social circle!

I know it's hard, but get out there and have some fun! you owe it to yourself!!!

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A female reader, aphexinfinite United Kingdom +, writes (23 January 2007):

aphexinfinite agony aunti know its hard you feel like youre hearts breaking and all you wish is for everything to be good again..he doesnt want to hurt you because he still cares and has a heart..nothing no one can say and do to make it better youre right their, but time heals all wounds..i know ure hurting and wish their was something i could do to help as i would with anyone who is suffering..all i can say is try and be strong, try and move they say plenty more fish in the sea lol..try and focus on doing something that makes you happy and keep doing it..we have all different types of love some deeper than others, some take time to heal others dont..try and keep strong lots of people love and care for you and lifes short be happy have fun..

hope this helps xxx A

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A female reader, nobody +, writes (23 January 2007):

oh my god, we're in exactly the same situation. Im so sorry you are going through such a bad time but so glad im not the only one. I dont know what advice to give you as I cant help myself, but just know that you arent alone and there are lots of us going through it all over the world. Please email me direct if you want to talk. Best of luck with everything. xxxx

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