A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm slightly confused about what to do.My almost "perfect" bf and I broke up in may (it was a bad break up b/c he had a lot of emotional issues he was hiding). For two months I've been seeing this new guy, but I just dont feel right. I dont feel like we're right for each other, but on the other hand, I want to keep seeing him. I'm not sure if I'm pushing him away b/c of my break up, or if I keep wanting to see him b/c I'm afraid to be a lone. -I have tried to end it with him twice now. Both times he was very rational, non-judgmental and talked though whatever was bothering me. I really admire that that b/c I think its a very hard trait to come by. -He's very smart, ambitious and emotionally mature, I respect that a lot. -He works a lot and even if I suggest that we do something or get together, he will cancel b/c he's "tired". I dont like this because a. my old bf's world would revolve around me and nothing was put ahead of me so it makes me feel like this guy doesn't care that much about me and b. that he'll be putting his needs a head of mine on a regular basis. -He likes to watch a lot of tv and play video games. I dont like this because I was always told to be doing something productive with my time, improving mine or others lives and I think it shows a un-imaginative and boring character, which is true, because we never do anything except talk or watch tv. -Like I said my old bf's world would revolve around me, so he'd be calling me all the time b/c we really wanted be spending as much time together as possible. This guys doesn't call me at all, barely texts me and sends me very short emails. There is no communication outside of us seeing each other, and I know he's just sitting at home watching TV anyway, so why not be talking to me instead? It just makes me feel like I'm really not worth that much time to him... So basically it just doesnt "feel right", but I'm not sure if its truly the wrong relationship or its just because I'm so spoiled from my old relationship with the attention, that the lack of attention on his part makes me insecure. And then its the "if you're going to fire me, I quit" syndrome coming out. Any suggestions?
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ambition, broke up, insecure, text, video games Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Flubber79  +, writes (7 August 2008):
Hi there,
I was in asimilar relationship, me being the busy tired guy, i loved my gf to bits but i worked hard and was often tired and didn't always feel like doing the thigs she wanted to do which would be going out all the time and partying. I realised to late that I had taken her for granted. It took her breaking up with me to realise!
Talk to him tell him you need more,or take a break if he loves you he'll realise that he wants to change for you and make more of an effort. I would have given the chance!!!
A
female
reader, jabey +, writes (7 August 2008):
I do think there is a lack of effort beingout in by this new boyfriend, and you are right to question that. He should really be making some effort to communicate with you in between dates. Have you expressed this to him, its good that he listens to your concerns and takes them on board.
But Im afraid you might be fed up with me for this but you are the one who knows what you feel for this guy. Only you know if you really want to be with him. I dont hear you say hes wonderful, I really enjoy being with him, he makes my heart flip. All your points are very factual, I dont hear alot of emotion, be careful that you are not just with him for the sake of having someone.
Just because someone ticks alot of boxes e.g he works hard is ambitoius, it does not mean he is mr right, you have to feel it fancy him love him etc to have a true realtionship.
Good luck xxx
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