A
female
age
26-29,
*yDaysOnceRevolvedAroundYou
writes:To give you a bit of background, me and my now ex-boyfriend had been together for nearly one year. He is 21 and I am nearly 20.I don't really know how to start but two weeks ago, I was invited by his family to a birthday meal for his sisters 19th birthday. We went out for a meal and a few drinks at the casino afterwards, everyone had a really nice time. Earlier that day me and my boyfriend had gone to pick up a cake for his sister because his mum had forgot, she asked us both not to tell his sister that she had forgot, I agreed.During the night his sister was talking to me about how amazing the cake she has every year is, and I accidentally slipped up and said I know me and your brother picked it up earlier, not even thinking anything of it. His sister continued to be fine with me for the evening and nothing was said.When we had gone for drinks, we bumped into some of my boyfriends friends that I hadn't met yet, so I agreed to go for one drink with them. When we got back to his families place, everyone was happy and having a drink and some of the cake. My boyfriend was really drunk by this point, at the stage where you love everyone and you're hugging everyone. He was hugging his dad, and I rolled my eyes as if to say "how drunk is my boyfriend". His dad starts to shout at me saying "you'll never split me and my son up, he might love you by he will never love you as much as he loves me" I smiled, not really being sure if he was joking or what was going on, he then shouts at me saying "your evil you are, pure evil" I said I don't know what you mean and he said "yes you f***ing do", I just ran upstairs crying and haven't been over to his house since.My boyfriend spoke to his dad asking him what he meant and why he spoke to me like that. His dad said "She rolled her eyes at us hugging, I can hug my own son if I want to and then she smiled as if to say he already loves me more and I won't apologise to her" as well as that she upset my wife and my daughter that night, your sister got really upset that your mum forgot the cake and threw a fit about it when you went out with your mates (I didn't even know this had happened, they both acted fine with me after)I've finished my boyfriend today, as his dad has no intention of making up with me and I don't want to go to his house anymore because I obviously feel no longer welcome. I just feel like he won't ever want to take us any further if his family don't like me.I just want people's opinions on what happened and if I've made the right choice.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2015): You could have apologised to them and tried to win them over if you were serious about him.In life you will meet all sorts, sometimes you have to be the bigger person and apologise or be the peace keeper. Also, I wouldn't appreciate someone rolling their eyes when i'm hugging my parents either so I can see where he's coming from.They are his parents and not your mates. Next time it's wise to respect that and not joke around with them the way you would do with your mates until you're 'part of the family'.You're not evil so don't take what he said to heart.Learn from this episode. It will work out in the end, it's just a sad way to end things.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (14 June 2015):
 Your boyfriend probably know how possessive and inappropriate his father is.
Of course you are not evil.
Seems like they were looking for any excuse to paint you as the villain.
And they sound insecure if they can make a mountain out of a molehill.
However there are fragile ego, over-sensitive souls, difficult family relationship and utterly insecure people just looking for a fight.
And sounds like the sister might be given to staging a bit of Uproar herself, considering the need for secrecy of the cake.
Yes, this family is a handful.
Are you up to the challenge: ONLY IF your BF is 100% backing you.
If he's not then back away now. They've probably been like this for a long time.
Give your boyfriend a chance, you are assuming he will not stick up for you.
Let him know that you are distressed by the ''evil'' jibe and that you were distressed by the reaction of his father.
Let him know that you are truly sorry for spilling the beans about the cake.
And let him know that it doesn't feel good to have things twisted to sheet all the blame towards you. And that his father misinterpreted the situation.
He probably knows full well that his sister throws tantrums like her Dad.
You probably seemed like a breath of fresh air to your Bf when he met you.
If your Bf understands that you don't want to go where you are not wanted and IF He sees it as a chance to be a peacemaker with his family then well and good. There might be a chance.
But if your BF is 100% on his fathers/mothers/sister's interpretation then wish him well and thank him for the good times.
It's sad, yes. But some families come with a lot of baggage. If you were born into that level of drama then it might seem to be ''normal' and justified.
To an outsider it is hostile, uncomfortable and at times feral. No one wants to live in the middle of a 24/7 bar room brawl with Dad losing it all the time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2015): From the sounds of it your ex bf's father is manipulative and controlling. Although I know drink was involved he completely overreacted and should apologise.Whilst eye rolling is a bit rude and dismissive it hardly warrants being called evil. He may have been looking for an excuse to paint you badly.The cake collecting lie was a bit odd. Who cares who collects a cake and as you said his sister wasn't even bothered I think your blunder was just used as an excuse to get at you. Your bf doesn't seem to be sticking up for you and you are right to think there could be trouble ahead especially if he still lives in the family home.My father-in-law is difficult. He likes to take offence at the slightest thing and is very angry and controlling towards his family. We live a long way away and rarely see him but it isn't easy and he causes problems. You are young and don't need this amount of grief in your life at this time so I feel you'd be better off moving on.
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