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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have been in a relationship with 2 men 1 15 yrs and the father of my daughter and the other for a year, I have finally come to my senses and ended the relationship with the other man, thing is I feel so guilty for breaking his heart. He knew I was in a relationship when we met and I was also in a bad place my mother had just passed away and I was not dealing with it well, my long term partner wasn't around as a shoulder when mum died either as I had to travel overseas for mums funeral. Although I have done the right thing by my daughter and partner who I love and has stood by me through all of this why do I feel such guilt ok I have made promises to this person over the year and made out that I wanted a lasting relationship with him and yes I cared and loved him which made my decision even harder.I even believed during the year that I wanted those promises to happen. But the guilt is tearing me apart, it was a two way street wasn't it not just me, my family said he should have known how vonerable I was at the time and backed off not persued me, so why do I feel like such a horrible bad person. Ok this decision has taken a lot of time to come to and caused a lot of heartache but its over now, why do I feel guilt and not relief. Please Help!!! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your help, i mage a huge mistake one I cant erase, all I can do is live with it, learn from it and be the best person to my partner and daughter. I will do my best and try my hardest. Thanks
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): "why do I feel guilt and not relief."
Because, you have a functional conscience, and you know the right thing and didn't do it and acknowledge it now.
This is common, and expected.
On a personal side, my wife had an emotional crisis over a decade ago. During this time she had an affair, and then broke it off, and returned to being the wife she had been before, only better each passing year. She still lives her life as a "living amend" in all areas, trying to be a good and decent understanding and exemplary person in all areas to somehow "make up" for the wrong. Yet, she says that it is the single most terrible thing she can think of in her life and she still wishes at some level that it could be erased somehow, not forgiven as she knows that she has that (being forgiven actually seemed to make it harder somehow, humbling in a way), but erased.
People have these crises in their lives at times like you mention. Live, learn, and work at living life better than ever.
Be the best person you can be today, tomorrow, and it will all work out in the end.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2011): You have written in a number of times regarding your lover and this affair.
Have u thought better the lover to go through the pain instead of your common law hb and daughter?
You cheated on your Common law hb, your lover knew the score even before he started having sex with you.
Your 'hb' sacrificed a lot for you (if I remember previous posts). He used to pay for your travel when u went back continuously to 'apparently" sort things out after your mothers death but you used this good man to fly over to meet and live with your lover. No good, not good at all.
You have neglected not only your hb but your daughter during your affair. You neglected her, pushed her away and basically u were the *itch of a mother to her. Your partner would wait patiently for you to come back home (not knowing that u were living the good life with your lover)
I think NOW the drama should stop. You betrayed everyone close to you, people who trusted you. Now u have a change to change all this. You have a second chance. At least your hb took u back after your cheating. Not too many people get second chances. So take this blessing and sort the mess you have made.
As for your lover, he knew the score right from the word go. He helped destroy a family and he deserved what he got.why not focus on your kid and hb instead of your ex lover.
Your emotions are now all over the place. STOP. Get over it and yourself. Your hb and kid deserve better than the scraps you are still throwing their way.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (1 March 2011):
 I guess you will always feel guilty. You promised this man things and then broke it off with him, and underlying you will also probably be feeling guilty that you cheated on your partner and the father of your daughter. I guess you know you have done wrong and that the feeling of guilt will plague you now. Yes you may have made the right decision now but you made a very wrong decision a year ago when you started this fling with the other man. Ok yes I can understand that you may have been very vunerable and he should have understood that and stayed away from you, especially if he knew you were in a relationship, but it does take two to tango and the both of you are to blame here. You more so than him because he was single and free to go with who he liked, at the end of the day you were the one who was cheating.
You need to try and move on now though, yes it will live with you that you hurt this man and probably hurt a part of yourself as well. But what you need to do now is not to contact him anymore and put all your effort in to making it up to your current partner and being a good mother and girlfriend to him. Goodluck and all the best.
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