A
male
age
51-59,
*jhenhmla
writes:i been i a relationship with my girlfriend for close to 6 years. and no matter what i do she does not seem to be happy. i bought a house for her and her kids to live in. ive asked her to marry me. but she is still un happy. she doe not help me with any of the bills. and seem to spend all her money and started taking rent money and spending it on her personal things.she stated serveal months that she wanted to leave but just recently left. she was in an abusive realtionship before and when i talk to her about anything she lacks any emotion. when we argue about things she shuts down and balls up in the fetal position. and does not say anything. is that normal?she thinks that i should not yell if she messes up but if you havent paid light bill since july and we are in november. it just thing like this that just make me so upest and begin to yell ive sat her down and tried to talk to her but no emotion or she like she dont care. should i just walk away?
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male
reader, ljhenhmla +, writes (14 November 2010):
ljhenhmla is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni sat her down and spoke to her and told her that she really need to see someone but she still did not listen.
since she stated that she wanted to leave i stopped giving her any money. and what do you know the 2nd week she ran out of gas how does someone do this ? i tired to make it work because i truly love her and don't want to see her suffer but it like she just not living in reality and im talking to a blank wall. thanks everyone for the advice it like im the only one trying maybe im the crazy one.
how can i be romantic if i stressed about paying the bill and worring if your not even trying to help me
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Hi
Your lady either can not face reality and plays on emotional trauma.....or she may actually be suffering from post traumatic stress due to past trauma, in which case she needs help...does not sound good either way.
Spunky monkey
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A
male
reader, PM  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 It is not your job to make her happy. Happiness is something each person builds for themselves.
If she can't have constructive conversations to resolve conflicts that the two of you might have, then a long-term relationship is going to be hard to keep going. All couples disagree at some point and part of growing as a couple is learning how to deal with those disagreements.
Shutting down and balling up into the fetal position is not what I would consider normal. Doing something like that, says to me, someone who is intensely afraid and is trying to block out the world. It's something those who've gone through incredibly traumatic experiences do. Shutting down emotionally is another sign of emotional trauma. It usually doesn't mean they don't care, but rather, they don't know how to deal with the emotions so they numb themselves.
In my opinion, this is a woman that it'd be hard to make a relationship work with. It sounds like she's been really traumatized by her past experiences. If she's not willing to do anything to help herself to get better and be a better parent, I think it'd be best for you to leave.
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A
female
reader, Viv Acious  +, writes (14 November 2010):
.....The lack of emotion, going foetal and the inability to deal with day to day life (such as paying bills)sounds as though she is suffering from clincal depression. Please try and get her to a medical doctor and also a counsellor to assess and also help her.
Very depressed people become dysfunctional. They take no interest in life and they cannot cope with day to day routine. They live in an internal hell and they really need your compassion.
However, from your point of view - no fun at all and extremely frustrating and bewildering. And she has left? She is thinking of leaving?
Are you in love with her? Do you want to be with her? Do you see a future with her? Would you be happier with her not in your life?
I think you should try and work out your feelings for her and that will let you know if you should walk away.
Hope this help.x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2010): Don't make excuses for her, just dump her already!
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 November 2010):
 hi yes i think you should just walk away. It sounds to me like she is just using you for money and security.
But however if you really want to work on this relationship then she needs to sort her life out, maybe her past relationship has caused her serious damage and she is not opening up to you in anyway at all and its unhealthy for a person to not talk about there feelings. It sounds to me like she could be depressed. She is'nt even doing normal things like paying the bills which shows me that she has no interest in life. You need to try and get her to go to a councelling session and go to her doctor, because she needs someone professional to talk to and help her.
If she was thinking about leaving you then maybe she doesnt love you she is just using you it is hard to tell but try and get her to see that she needs help, her emotions are just dead at the minute.
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