A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hubby ignored my birthday again this year. It was Thurs. It's almost like he does it deliberately. He knows I don't want expensive gifts, he just knows I want some recognition. Well, he didn't completely ignore my birthday, he did get me a box of chocolate covered cherries and a card and told me it was "temporary", a statement I've heard before that means NEVER. He said we would go out to eat and I could pick out another gift. Well, tonite I wanted to go out and he said I had a bad cough and he was a afraid I'd get sicker if I went out (by the way, I have had a cold but am getting over it and I felt fine). Also, not one of his three adult kids remembered my birthday and we always have to make such a big deal out of their birthdays and stay broke doing so.I'm so sick of being taken for granted. His birthday is next month. Should I give him a nice birthday (as usual) or treat him like he's done me? Suggestions, please! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2009): So rather than discuss this now like adults you are going to wait until his birthday for a petty revenge. Does that sound like a step on the way to a healthy relationship? As compared to a conversation starting "your lack of a reasonable birthday gift made me feel so sad that I considered not getting you anything. Can we please go shopping together on pay day and fix this."
Next year, make a date for your husband to go shopping for your present. It's very easy for men -- with competing demands from work -- to make inadequate time and allowance for those we love. We're not all time management geniuses. You can help him by making him reserve time for him to go shopping.
As for his adult kids, some other time, totally unconnected with this issue, let your hubby know that that from now on you are going to give adult presents. A card and a small token chosen with care. Your hubby can pass the news on to his family. There's no need to mention money, "they are all grown up now and you feel like you are treating them like children when you buy large gifts" is sufficient excuse for public consumption.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (6 December 2009):
I admire the fact you didn't say anything. Yes, give him the same treatment, and if he says anything, time to bring up the fact you're feeling unloved and you're being taken for granted.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2009): Yes, do it! Give him the exact same thing, then when he wants to go out, make up excuses why you can't go that night, just like he did. Talk to him about the kids. He might not want to make a fuss over them, either. They're adults for heaven's sake!!A card and small present is fine, I would think, but going broke for them is ridiculous!!!!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (6 December 2009):
 yes, give your husband the same treatment, in fact, wrap up the same packet of chocolate coated cherries (doesnt matter if you have already bitten into a few of them) and give him those.
As for his adult children, dont go into debt for them, especially if they dont recognise your birthday, give them a card with a lottery ticket inside, and a little note along the lines of
Money is Short
and Times are Hard
Here's Your Birthday Gift
Inside this Birthday Card
I dare ya!
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