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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi I need your advice really bad. I lost someone I really love because I decided to date someone else because he didn't take care of his business as far as getting his divorce. I didn't date the other but a few months. He treated me real bad and talked about me with other people that and also tried to sleep with other women that I know. He really embrassed me so I had to let that go. The first guy I really love him even though his situation is the same. This first guy said he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and would love me as long as he lives. I know I was wrong to date someone else but he was still in his situation year after year after year so I met someone and dated a few months. I just don't understand why he won't give me another chance if he loved me the way he said he did. I only got one chance and I feel like he had many because I was fully committed to his while he was still living in the house with his wife even though he said he had no dealing with her. I cry all the time and sometimes wonder how I'm going to hold up like this. The second guy I have no feeling for him what so ever but I cry because he embrassed me, borrowed money from me and won't pay it back and I cry because I took a chance on him and lost the guy who I love so very much.The first guy took the ring back that he gave me and he act as though he never loved me. I been praying for my heart to be healed but every time I think I'm okay.I think about how much I love the first guy and my pain starts all over agian and I think about how the second guy took advantage of me and I hurt even more. I need help bad before I break down.The first guy said if he came to my house he was not coming in because of what I did. He would sit outside and talk to me. How can he be so cruel after I had to deal with him for years living with another woman. Before I dated someone else he treated me like I could do no wrong,but I after this its like I'm much of nothing. I feel like he was wrong for telling me he wanted to be with me forever and moving his feet to make it happen. If he loved me that much why would he put his life on hold that long? I'm not able to reach his heart anymore yall please give me some advice . I got to stop beating my self about this but I don't know how. I pray ,read the bible, and go church and I'm still falling apart.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): Thank all of you for your help.Thanks for your honesty. you all have been a great help ,but to the third person, I'm no longer with the second guy. I let that mess go over 10months ago. My self esteem is not low enough to let him back in my life. When I let him go I made sure he could no longer even call my phone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2009): Thank all of you for your help.Thanks for your honesty. you all have been a great help ,but to the third person, I'm no longer with the second guy. I let that mess go over 10months ago. My self esteem is not low enough to let him back in my life. When I let him go I made sure he could no longer even call my phone.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Here is a very good example why Christians date christians. I think you should go to your church and speak to your minister and he can help you. You need a lot of spiritual guidance right now. You wonder why he has let this happen to you? He works in many ways remember that. Look for the postitives in your life. Everything has a lesson attached to it. You did not learn your lesson from the first man, therefore you are provided with another assessment, which again you have failed. You need to learn from your mistakes to move on!
1st guy - wrong to date a married man, in your bible woman!
He was only telling you what you wanted to hear and now you left him his ego has been crushed and he wants the same for you. He is purposefully trying to get at you to make you feel the way you do as pay back. REMEMBER THIS. He may have had feelings for you that would make him appear genuine, but to be honest, that was probably the one part of humanity he had in him, now he is all mean and showing his true colours. Don't be sorry, but thankful and thank god for he gave you that strength to leave this man! Think what could have happend if he had stayed? He would NOT have been the 'loving' man you thought him to be by any chance!
2nd - again you came across ANOTHER abuser and you let him trample all over you. You need to be strong! you need to learn to be independant or dependant on god to lead you. DO NOT get into another relationship UNTIL you have became more confident in yourself. Dating might be ok to let you get some better self esteem again, but don't get involved with people to much.
MY SUGGESTION:
Go online and find a CHRISTIAN dating forum. there are PLENTY of wonderful faithful christian men out there who have most likly also been hurt by these other people. At LEAST you can rely on your church friends. Speak to the womans group and ask for advice if you can't talk to your minister. If you are not friendly with them, be BOLD! They are christian and they will not turn you away. Be bold and ask them if you could speak to them about a personal matter. I'm sure they all could sympathise for you and help you in your situation. They will look out for you and speak to them about any new relationships you are in and they might be good to get an outsiders opinion. Maybe they could hook you up with a personal friend they can vouch for!
Hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): It is for the best that however much you plead he won't take you back. Maybe he is only playing hard to get for the moment to teach you a lesson for leaving him. It is clear he is a very controlling and deceitful man. Why do you want to return to a married man that above all has mistreated you so badly and made you unhappy?You are a true exemple of the saying "bad to have problems, worse off without them". You must think of all the problems and the unhappiness this man has suffocated your life with and start realising the fresh air you breathe now that you are without him and the negativity. If he returns to you there won't be any differences most certainly: he will not divorce his wife for you and WILL continue to treat you badly. You must ask yourself why you are attracted to these behaviours and really understand why this happens before you are ready to climb up another stair in your evolution as a person, to be ready to make better and wiser choices and attract a different energy and more inspirational people and inspiring situations. You need a huge reality check honey, it is not rational to be so willing to welcome abuse into your life again. You are attracting the wrong kind of people as the second man is obviously of a not very different stamp! This is because you allowed it, you settled for so little. This poor self esteem of yours needs to be dealt with for once, and this in the absence of any partner, you can't be successful in your relationships until you manage to work out and fix this problem, and I'm sure you can do this, just as many people have had to learn to appreciate themselves more in order to create better opportunities for themselves. All the best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2009): Damn, babes... You sound so sad and low... These guys have really got you in a spin and are ruining your life.
Your 30-35, these are the best days of your life. You should be doing all them things you wanted to do as a kid. Did you want to become a nurse, a sailor, sail around the world. Did you want a cat and a dog, a white fence, two kids and a guy who adore you more than anything in the world? What dreams did you have, what was you going to do? What was you gonna become? Soon you will be 40years old and half of your life will have been gone.
So sad, so very sad you are.. and it's these guys who are making you sad. One guy is still married, one guy, you keep just for company, someone to hold you a night, to make you feel loved and wanted, but you don't want him at all.
The first guy is married, and doesn't love you enough to dump his wife and pledge his life to you. The second guy takes your money.. You pay him to stay and say pretty words, like "I love you", just so you don't have to be alone.
Your hurting kid, these guys aren't treating you right, and as long as you stay in contact with them, your self esteem will be low.
Church, bible, family, girlfriends, all these things are good, and you should surround yourself with things that make you feel loved, inspire you and give you strength.
My advice to you, is to GIVE UP MEN AND ROMANCE, just for the moment. Your vulnerable and hurt, you don't feel good about yourself. You pick up men that disrespect you, that put you last, and don't make you happy or make you life.
Forget about men, concentrate on yourself, your dreams, the things you can achieve for yourself. Start finding out how to have fun without men and romance. Start having days without feeling bad or crying your eyes out. Learn a language, change your job, start painting, play a guitar, start a riot, paint the street green, raise rabbits.. I don't care what you do, but you need to do something to get you out of this hole. These guys don't love you, they make you feel bad about yourself. YOU NEED TO TAKE CARE OF YOU, they won't and can't ever make you happy. When you are stronger, the right man will come and you will feel loved because you will be truly loved.
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