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I am scared of my wife

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (8 February 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 2 March 2009)
A male Nigeria age , anonymous writes:

I got introduced to my wife on the phone 2yrs 4mths ago.We instantly took to each other.I was in Africa and she in Europe.We kept communicating on a regular basis.I actually proposed to her over the phone after 4 weeks of talking.I look back now and tell myself that was reckless.Anyway we continued the relationship.

An incident occurred about 6 months after we started a relationship(over the phone).She had sex with a guy who had been on her neck.She called to tell me,crying and sounded genuinely sorry.I was devastated but still kept the relationship.She transiently tried to end the relationship then without success.Meanwhile we were planning to have a court wedding on her first visit after we started the relationship.Meanwhile I had also been planning to migrate to Europe for an education.After that act of sex on her part I began to lose my zeal but believed things would improve.

She finally visited about 1 year after we started talking.I spent about 4 days with her then within which we had a court wedding.She returned and we kept communicating.We then started planning for a traditional wedding being both from Africa.Meanwhile I kept making arrangements to travel to Europe to school and be with her.She and her parents were more than helpful in my preparations.

She visited a second time 8 months after the first visit during which we had the traditional wedding with both parent's support after initial disagreements.In between the court and traditional weddings, I actually got involved with a lady who I ultimately told that I was committed to someone else.

She returned to Europe after the traditional wedding.I later got a visa and joined her(4 months ago).Then my nightmare began.We started having episodes of quarrel and arguments.On the first occasion it was because of a call from a female who claimed to be my cousin.She ultimately told me that I would "vomit" all that had been done for me by her and her parents.Let me say that her and her parents were instrumental to my being able to ultimately get to Europe.She also threatened me in other ways.

Things degenerated,for some reason it was also a struggle for us to have sex perhaps because of my perception of her.My perception of her became that of a bully, again because she displayed a lot of aggression when she got angry.Progressively things have gotten worse.Each time she has gotten angry she has used very insulting words and behaved in such a manner that suggests she has a tendency to be violent.She has agreed that she knows she has to work on her character but it hasn't stopped her from behaving this way.

Let me say that I have also not behaved completely appropriately.In the midst of my disillusionment about what I had gotten myself into I found myself thinking about an ex-girlfriend and it appeared to my wife( via my actions) that I still had something for that ex-girlfriend.In the midst of all this she is now pregnant.

Now with each day I find myself wanting to get out of this marriage.I feel like I am in a trap.I feel like if I overlook the signs I see now my wife's behaviour may worsen with time.In the mean time I have decided to abstain from all that I have been doing wrong while I watch.I really don't want a situation where my wife will keep reminding me about how I got here.Our sex life is virtually dead because I can't even bring myself to get aroused on account of her.

What do I do?

View related questions: cousin, ex girlfriend, sex life, violent, wedding

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A female reader, don't take his shit 1 United Kingdom +, writes (2 March 2009):

It's so blatently obvious ! Leave her you fool !

There's a big beautiful life out there - go find it,you do not need to be in a trap,take ontrol of your life man ! you can do it.

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A female reader, EzraMayweather United States +, writes (8 February 2009):

EzraMayweather agony auntWow my friend you are in a very sticky situation, well there is no complete answer to give you to do, but I can make some suggestions, 1) ignore her in her times like that 2) leave the house when she acts like that, it will make her self conscious the next time she decides to snap because she knows you will walk out again, or tell her its a complete turn off and she is making you unattracted towards her. Seriously, you know how when men call a woman fat she tries all types of ways to loose weight than she might try to become better. Is nothing worse than your husband telling you he is being turned off. And if she truly values the relationship as you do she will try to make a better effort at it. Or you can even consider counseling and or anger management. You can go together. It will be a tad bit embarrassing at first but it may help both of you. You can get in tune with each others inner selves a little more....but at the end of the day if it all fails, do what you have to do, its your life and I'm pretty sure, (by the way she seems) that if she was un happy she would have left you a long time ago!

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