A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Been in a relationship for about 5 years. We attended the same university. In school,he asked me out and always told me he loved me.I decided to give it a shot after a year of being friends with him. I told him i needed time to fall in love with him, though, i still agreed to go out with him. After a year into the relationship, i started telling him i loved him too. Initially when we started, i noticed some things i would like him to change about himself and had to tell him. He didnt and i was always complaining. Wen i saw those things on other men, i wuld appreciate them and if they wanted to go out with me, i would see myself agreeing. After a while, say like a month, my conscience wuld av started pricking me and i wuld let my BF know. This happened like 3 times and i have always been telling him after a short while.Non had ever involved sex. I even have never had sex with my BF, i am still a virgin. After sometime, he just started watching me, monitoring my movements, wanting to know who i talk with on phone and even goes through my phone.If i told him i wanted to try something out, as regards business or education and it involved men, he wuld say no. He had started becoming selfish. All these have been too much for me to bear.I decided not to tell him any more thing. He wuld still say there are some things i am keeping from him and wuld demand to know.I think he has gotten used to me telling him every thing. I have just fallen in love with my friend of 4 years who i'v on some occassions fed the situation of things in my relationship and who has always advised me on how to go about things. My BF got to know about this on his own. We were in a bus, he watched me doze off,searched my bag and looked through my fone.He slapped me thrice afterwards. I culdnt believe it. My ear ached me for 5 days. He's been begging me since it happened and has been saying he wuld turn a new leaf. I dont know what to do. I am really confused.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2008): Well, first off, him hitting you is wrong, and you should definitely leave him for that, if not the other things. However...being with someone and loving someone means appreciating them for who they are, and what they do and don't have. In a relationship honesty is important, don't get me wrong, but I think pointing out things you don't like about him, and then complaining about it when he doesn't change them... is rude. Then you go out with other guys who have these qualities you like, while still with your boyfriend. That's just plain wrong. You can't blame the guy for being suspicious, or even a bit controlling...you tore down his self esteem and dated other guys while you were still with him! I really think you should leave him, find someone you love for who they are, and leave him to find someone who will appreciate him.
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