A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for 19 years and my wife has been honest, loving and faithful. But, one of her (2) past relationships still haunts me. We were in college and she broke up with me to go out with him, then we got back together. Then she broke up with me again to start dating him again. She said that she broke it off with him but I believe that he broke up with her and she was very hurt by that. She said that they only had sex less than (5) times, but I am obsessed with knowing the details. It is on my mind almost every waking moment. I know that getting more details will only make it worse, but how do I forget and move forward giving her the love and desire that she has earned over the past 19 years of marriage. Also, I have learned that he is now a very successful artist, should I tell her and risk restarting an old flame or hope that she never finds out and their history together never comes up again.?
View related questions:
broke up, got back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): Think of it this way.
You got the girl.
Let it go.
A
male
reader, softtouchmale2003 +, writes (29 December 2009):
 What's bothering you is the fact that you don't trust your wife. Basically you think she's still hung up on this guy, and he's an old flame that could reignite any moment.
Frankly after 19 years of marriage, if you want to toss all that aside and treated as wasted time -- then open up that can of worms.
If you love your wife, then love her dearly and deeply and forget this other guy. She stayed with you -- not him. You're extremely fortunate in that respect.
If she means this much to you, then make her feel special every day, instead of wasting jealous and ruinous energy thinking about some guy she had an on and off again fling with almost 2 decades ago.
She's in your life now and has been. This is the part where you have to accept your blessings and hold her dear to your heart. That is after all why you married her, right?
Otherwise bringing up this guy's name or his successful career to her would only hurt you more, and pique her curiosity.
You've been married all this time, spend time with your wife. If she loves you as much as you seem to love her, then you're the one she wants in her life, not some artist.
Think of it this way too. How many other women have been and are in this other guy's life? He's probably wasted boatloads of women. She means next to nothing to him now, but she means the world to you. And that's what counts.
The quicker you finally lose this jealousy the more you will appreciate your own good fortune.
...............................
A
female
reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (29 December 2009):
 You have been with your wife for 19 years? Dude! Let it go! You are spending time worrying about ancient history! Your wife loves you! You are probably spending more time thinking about him than she ever has. Any time he crosses your mind, shut the thoughts down...stop yourself from dwelling on it. Imagine you are on the beach, as the tide goes out, push his image out to sea! Do this as often as needed. It works; I've used this exercise myself! If this doesn't help you, I suggest you seek professional advice. I would hate for you to screw up a good relationship over something that happened so many years ago.As far as sharing the information you know about the ex...Why? I don't know for sure, but it seems that you would be using it as a test (to see her reaction) From what I see, she has already passed the only true test...she is loving and caring and a good wife to you!Consider yourself lucky and enjoy your life with your woman!Good Luck!~BG~
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): Oh gosh, I do not think I would bring his name up. I read something once that stated when one goes through a realtionship problem it alters the chemicals in the brain negatively. Maybe, that happened back then. There is a saying past behavior predicts future behavior. I would alter you midset immediately and think, she is with me, she loves me, she is not with him. If you bring his name up you are going to appear obsessive to her. Maybe that would put him in a better light as she will think he must be someone special. When he comes into your mind focus on the fact she is with you and that you are not tinking rationally. Is she giving you reason to believe she wants to be with him? If she saw him now she most likely would not be attracted to him anyway. Sounds like you love her alot. Try and take care of yourself physically and metally and break out of this so it does not hurt your relationship. Make an extra fuss over her, bring her roses and candy for no reason. Buy her something special for valentines day , like a gold heart. She will melt in your arms for that. You both are so luck to have one another as I am alone and pray everyday to meet someone special. My gut feeling is you are thinking irrationally and need to shift your mindset.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2009): Ok well I am NOT married, but i do tend to get hung up on things like this. And i think i may know how you feel. First of all I strongly believe we should always trust our instincts. If you have a strong gut feeling about this man it's because she probably did feel something strong towards him. Not necessarily Love but maybe infatuation, curiosity, attachment, who knows. What we do know is that she chose you over him. And THAT is probably because what she felt towards you was love indeed. About this man being an artist nah if she knows she'll know but don't make him sound delicious!!! I mean come on. At least i wouldn't mention it. If you are really scared some old flame might come back, do talk to her about that so she knows that you love her and do care for her like you did back then and that even 19 years later you feel afraid of losing her which is very sweet. Always try to make her laugh and be creative and keep bits of mysteriousness in your relationship with her. Make that flame stay on your court always. Although if she loves you like i think she does you shouldn't worry. Just always trust what you feel but don't react irrationally upon those feelings use that sixth sense for good!!!OH! and how to let it go?! Love her harder everyday, because 19 years ago or so, you won this battle dude. Try to find what made her choose you so you can realize that you are one hot stud she couldnt afford to lose!!! Blessings to you and your wife! And that artist bleh, you can be an artist if you want to but you just dont want to steal the spot light again! modest much? hahaha ! =)
...............................
|
