A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been in a relationship for 4 years with my fiance john, I love him very much and I am still attracted to him. When we first started dating we had a great sex life but now I just dont feel like it (I hardly ever feel sexually aroused anymore). I realise that being with someone all the time can reduce the amount of sex you have but it feels like I am never in the mood. When we do have sex it's initially to please my him. However sex is almost always uncomfortable even when lubrication is used. Sex can sometimes be painful.That started after i had our daughter. Most of the time I do not enjoy it and I think this is what puts me off sex.I have sex with him maybe 3 times monthly i love sex i miss sex i only do it to do it and well he doesnt enjoy it at all as he can see that i am only doing it just to do it. when we are done i roll over and fall asleep because i dont get off i dont have orgasms i need some advice ..PLEASE HELP ME!What can I do to improve the situation? What can I do to make sex more comfortable? How can I increase my sexual arousal?
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female
reader, k1mmie  +, writes (5 March 2008):
I agree, a check up has to be your first port of call. i can relate to this. I am a married woman of 20years and am now 40 years old. For the last 10 years sex has been a mundane role, enjoyed it when it happened but never initiated it. Hubby went through mid life crisis and blamed a lot of it on the sex. he started an internet relationship with another woman. This was the kick up the ass I needed not to be complaceant. thought I could try much harder with the sex to keep my hubby. At first it was hard but I tried to interest myself more and more. Flirty text messages during the day, loving phone calls. New lingerie and I have surprised myself. I buy sexy lingerie all the time, sex toys (would never have gone in a sex shop on my own before - bit of a prude). our sex life is now around 2/3 times a day and I just want him all the time. i think your body gets to the stage that when it goes into shut down mode you have to kick start it and it will pick up. Guys you need to do your bit and try to stimulate her romantically as well as sexually.
A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (28 February 2008):
 The advice to get a check-up is good, but regarding arousal and "no orgasms," does that mean that you never have? Is oral stimulation for you part of your sex life? If not and if he will, that may help a lot.
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A
male
reader, esepalo1 +, writes (28 February 2008):
 WOW I'm going through the same thing with my wife I feel like I bore her and she does it for me and I do hurt her some times during sex, we used to have mad crazy sex when we first dated by now I feel like she's bored with me. I've been her only one and that's my inner wondering like if she's bored with just having sex just with me for 15 years, she says no I but I really don't believe her so in a way you can help me and figure it from your point, you can tell me what's up and maybe I can tell you from my point. The same thing we roll over and go to sleep. Thank you so much for putting it out there, I've been waiting for this kinda thing to show up and it shows I'm not alone.
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A
female
reader, O Connor  +, writes (28 February 2008):
 hey hun, well if sex is in any way painful or uncomfortable for you, i would suggest you go to your GP and get a smear test etc.
You could be suffering from some sort of infection or virus, and alot of the time, this affects your libido. are you always very dry? do you experience discomfort when you go to the toilet? you could have anything from thrush to cystisis - both of which are harmless and can be cleared up very quickly. but just to be sure i would get checked, a loss of interest in sex and pain during is often the indication that something is wrong down there. dont worry im sure you'll be enjoying sex in no time!!if you want any more help feel free to email me good luck hun xxx
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