A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My husband travels for business (first class air and hotels) and he has started drinking in the hotel bars and also when he entertains clients. He does not drink at home and he's home every night after work. He was not a drinker before nor did he travel much before his promotion. I have been looking at his emails, phone records, and business travel records. He sent one co worker in CA a message that said "Can I call you sometime just to say Hi?" More disturbing is a male co worker sends out mass emails with porn attachments to all his friends a couple times a week. My husband has been forwarding these emails to a female co worker here in town. He also sent her emails that said "Hang in there girlfriend, let's do lunch or dinner when you get a chance." and "How are you doing besides work?" Phone records don't much contact. I am in the process of digging for more info. We are in our mid forty's, highschool sweethearts and have always had a happy, solid marriage. His father passed away last year and he does seem to be easily agitated and stressed when he has always been the mellow, easy going type. I am looking into bugging his briefcase when he travels and puting a GPS devise on his car. I just want to know one way or the other. It is expensive but would be cheaper than a P.I.. I have also started to be more supportive, upbeat,and attentive which seems to be working but who knows!!! What else should I be doing? His father was an alcoholic and a cheater who left his family. My husband some how turned out to be just the opposite. He is a wonderful father, husband, and friend. What is happening?!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 June 2008): Anyone who talks about putting a GPS into their spouse's car and bugging someone's briefcase obviously has no trust in the other person. If you have no trust, then you have no love. Simple as that.
No one should be followed around and snooped on. Take the high road and discuss your feelings with him, but you will sound and look crazy if you go through with your plan.
I have done no wrong in my life, no affairs or similar, but I have done some things that might look a little suspicious to an outside party...let me honest--if I found out my wife bugged my car or briefcase I would seek a divorce immediately.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  + ♥, writes (11 June 2008):
 What else should you be doing? How about taking a deep breath and stop the crazy for a second?
I am not saying anything is going on but what evidence have you got? On the one hand you got a nice husband you describe in glowing terms, one the other some messages that could be perfectly harmless if a little bit flirty. Is that worth doing all this for? If he finds out what you are planning to do what do you think his reaction is going to be?
You speak of things in his upbringing. How about your own? Do you have a reason to distrust your husband so much? Was your own father a cheater for instance?
Maybe there are other clues that you forgot to mention but with what you have you sound to me like a woman who is about to loose her husband NOT because he is cheating but because she has turned into a paranoid shrew who has already convicted and sentenced her husband.
Sit back, take a deep breath and look at your own post and try to imagine how it looks to someone else.
If you absolutely must, then do hire a reputable P.I. That may be expensive but they will ALSO be looking at the results of their investigation with an open mind and not immidiatly translate, he left his hotel room to "he is meeting another woman" but perhaps "he is missing his wife and went for a run in the park to tire himself out so he could sleep".
I don't know what he is doing, neither do you, but I do know that what you are doing right now COULD ruin a marriage because of YOUR actions, not his.
Don't become one of those paranoid partners who turn their loved one against them with their behavior.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): if truely he is cheating, whats the worst than can happen. scream yell fight cry endlessly and then be another statistic for a divorse case. most people go into marriages with a back up plan. im might be wrong but in my part of the world divorse is not an option. i believe if its physical violence or anything that treatens your life GET OUT. but anything else can be worked out if only we try a little harder at making it work. 8 out of every 10 men cheat at one point or another so dont drive yourself crazy cos youre not alone. talk to hm so if hes planning on doing so in the nearest future, u might just burst his bubble. let him be and like i said earlier pray. it helps
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A
male
reader, q1605 +, writes (11 June 2008):
 After you pray but before you speak with him, realize that out of town escapades are next to impossible to stitch together for a finding of cheating. If you had him GPS enabled what do you do with the addresses you find him at. They are likely to be the places he would be expected to be legitimately. Hotel etc. From the sound of the dialogue you have provided, my guess is that he is just starting the spiral of running amuk. Sounds like he is testing the waters and just getting the rust out of his macho. But don't listen to me. You are there, you can feel the vibe and the change in vibe. On the phone records,,, go to anywho.com and do reverse look up. If it is a cell phone you CAN see who it belongs to. The larger text will say it's unavailable but underneath that there is text that says that number is in our database and click on that and have a credit card ready and it will send you to a site called intellius. They will tell you the name and sometimes the address of who it belongs to. Sometimes thats about all you need to bring all else into line. If there is a number called excessively or at hours that are not kosher. Just listen in and don't miss a word of what he says. Watch for stories that don't quite match up with earlier recitations. And if you are at parties or other work functions just be a sponge. Make a friend with the wife of his friend. Just kind of be the bug in his briefcase. You didn't write in here asking for advice because you are losing your mind. Something has changed and it's changed to a degree that it is setting off alarm bells. I am all for love and trust but that's not to the exclusion of your ass which might be left hanging out in the wind. And if your spouse is resorting to the kind of deception it takes to carry all this sort of thing on, it will more then forgive any thing you must do to ferret it out. One last thing. I've been married twice and had any number of lessor involvements. There has not been one time that I felt compelled to check into things that my suspicions were not born out
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): I know ur worried for ur marriage but do u really think stalking him is a good idea?
Maybe u should talk to him about ur concerns am sure he'd be very hurt if he found out u were stalking him.
And perhaps this woman at work is having a hard time just now & hes tring to be a good friend to her.
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A
female
reader, ayor  +, writes (11 June 2008):
hi lady, u are trying too hard and what you fear the most might kill you. so what happens if he truely is cheating? what happens to all your money time and energy if he isnt? as hard as it may seem ,you will have to concentrate on being an even better wife and mother. get a more active life with work, sports charity work or new friends( this will help reduce the blow if indeed he is.) and who know he just might not. dont waste your time. talk to him more. remind him of the good ol days and tell him how lucky you are to have him and if he truely is cheating he will feel a little gilty. are u christian.... u might need to pray too. it sure helps.GOOD LUCK
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