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anonymous
writes:I feel like there is something seriously wrong with me. I have been so shy, ever since I can remember. Even when I was a baby, I was very quiet, I barely cried or anything. And as I became a toddler and a kid, I was shy, never wanting to let go of my mum and always hiding behind her. I am still so shy to this very day at age 19, although I have become less shy over the years.My question is, why am I like this? Are some people just born shy? My sister is the complete opposite!!! She is sooo outgoing and loud. And right from when she was a baby, she was loud and always seekign attention, where as I was happy to be by myself and not get any. So many people put me down for being quiet and shy, which just makes me even more shy. It doesnt help at all. Also, the fact that ive been dumped because I was to shy aorund my bf's friends...that hurts too. I am just so lost...any advice?
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reader, holydiver1  +, writes (22 May 2008):
 im pretty shy myself and however weird it is i enjoy getting on a stage behind a band a playing a drum kit and for some reason i never get shy about that...only when it comes to talkin to people. so why dont you pick up an instrument and convey your feelingsthrough that...you will be surprised
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reader, Love_is_all_youu_need +, writes (17 May 2008):
 Hiya! I'm a little on the shy side myself! It can give people the wrong impression of you when you don't speak much. They tend to think that you're stuck up, thinking you're too good for them! But it's not that case at all is it? People who are loud don't understand or mix well with those who are quiet... Anyway I think if you just give it time you'll come out of your shell soon enough! My mother was realli quiet at school but as soon as she started work, she felt it was easier to communicate with people! I've inheritted it from her I think! So hopefully one day i can be more conifident too! You shud confront your parents about this and ask if either of them had experienced shyness? They shud be able to help you :) xx
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reader, q1605  +, writes (17 May 2008):
 This will be much like an answer from a week ago. So much so, that I want to apologize in advance. At the age of 16, I was so painfully shy and reserved that I don't think I would have been able to function in life unless I worked at the south pole. I really needed money along about this time so I got as job at a grocery store. I tried to stay in my shell, but this is not a place for the faint of heart. If some lady thinks she is being over charged she is not going to be shy letting you know. Shrugging your shoulders and shuffling your feet just makes matters worse. But as I got worked in I realized most people will start off liking you, and just like you more as long as you don't do or say anything patently offensive that gets you on their bad side. The people I worked with were generous, and kind, and we were all like a little family. This was the 70's and I cut my hair to get hired and promptly grew it back down to shoulder length. It was a blue collar crowd that shopped there and not one construction worker or truck driver ever gave me a hard time. There were a couple of assholes, but they were that way to every body. I dated girls that worked there , I dated girls that shopped there. I hung out with the people that I worked with, and people passing through. But I got to understand that when you are in proximity of someone they are not there just boring a hole in you with their eyes to find fault and to find your defects in character. Most are so in the now of their life that they just want to pass a few minutes of time with another person and get out of their own head and find out things about you but just to kind of see that they aren't the only person that has bad days, or pregnant girlfriends, or daughters, and they or their son just wrecked the car, and they need a second on the house to get their kid started in college, but the bank is not having any of that. You begin to see ...not how you stick out like a sore thumb but how alike every one else and you are. And that people will seek you out and do so because they like you. YOU there. And whatever keeps people in their shell and locked in their own head is just themselves magnifying things no one else can see or wouldn't really care about. You are giving every one around you the power to minimize your life and to marginalize your life and they aren't even aware of it. Its power you assign them and then to save time you relieve them of their duty to compromise you and just do it yourself. If I had not lived the life you are in, I would not be so sure of what I say, and would chose kinder words. Don't wake up years from now and decide you want a fuller life, but find out you waited too late and your life is essentially over. You don't have to crash weddings and swing from chandaleirs, but people would like to hear what you have to say, but will be unable to if you don't speak up. When I was younger I thought a might accomplish some things that would be some kind of legacy to be left behind and people might remember me or my name. But doing inventory I think I'm going to come up a little short. So the alternative is to get out there and live and be involved. Involved like going to a picnic someone invited you to instead of declining and watch Pretty Woman for the 107th time. Go to the shopping mall opening to see the Elvis impersonator. Here is a good way to start. Go and roll the house of the guy that dumped you for being shy. If he raises rabbits put one in a pot of boilingmmmmmmmmm never mind. You don't want to be remembered like that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): i know what you mean. i am really timid too and i would rather be alone than in a group of people. but unfortunately its hard to be friends with quite people, so you need to force yourself to be more talkative. i find that as long as i keep asking questions to people or just make small talk they don't think about how painfully shy i am. i also find that to make conversation i wear something interesting, like i had a vintage necklace and it really kick started conversation!
but hey, maybe shyness is something you just naturally develop over time due to your surroundings. But don't beat yourself up about it, its really no big deal.
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