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I am in love with my Boyfriend and My girlfriend! I want to keep both, What should I do!!?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Cheating, Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 February 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 28 February 2007)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am 23 and had a sexual relationship with an older gay man since i was 17 when i fell in love. up till then i have always just fancied girls, and though i had the odd one night stand (girls) in the 5 years. i have always been in love and happy with our relationship, and it was what i wanted, though i insisted that we tell no-one.

i have always felt the need for a family and kids of my own and i could not have this with him. then 7 months ago i develeoped a close friendship with a girl at work who is a couple of years older then me, and i often visited her in her home, she has a young 6 year old girl. over time i fell in love with her and we started a sexual relationship, but i never told anyone and kept her a secret so that my other secret partner does not find out, as everyone knows we are the best of friends and would speak to him.

last month i told my 'boyfriend' i did not want our relationship any more but that there was no one else (i would bring her out in a month or two as a new girlfriend), he tried to walk away twice and i would not let him go, before and after he found out about my girlfriend. i want both, my open relationship with my girlfriend and family, and my old boyfriend i am in love with them both. i do not want to lose either, my boyfriend does not want to lose me either and says he wants me to be happy and would share a small part of my life and allow me the other open relationship i need, but i know i must be hurting him. what should i do? but we still are both in love, and i am in love with my grilfriend.

View related questions: at work, fell in love, girl at work, one night stand

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2007):

Well you'll have to decide who you want to be with more. Can you see a secure future with your boyfriend or do you want to start a family with your girlfriend? Which seems more important to you?

Ask yourself those questions, maybe that will help you. x

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A female reader, JulietteElise United States +, writes (28 February 2007):

JulietteElise agony auntYou need to be honest with your g/f and tell her about your b/f and how you are NOT gay, you are bi, and thus will not cheat on her and will continue to love her and her child. I'm glad your b/f is willing to share you, and though it most likely does hurt him, over time things can get better as a new life pattern imerges. However, you do need to be truthful with the g/f and explain it all (and how you and him have been together a long time and thus the risk of STDs is small, etc). It is then up to her whether she is willing to share you as well. If she doesn't, then you might have to move on, for there will be females out there who don't mind sharing you as long as it is with a man and only that one other person. I know that these type of relationships, though not extremly common, can work out, but only if all members are honest and open to the idea. Some of these people even get a house all together. But, you have to be fair to all the people involved, and love is about takeing risks in that you are risking your heart to anouthers control. I hope she is not freaked out by this (many women could be, though i know i wouldn't be, but im perhaps not the norm). She may only want to stay as friends who occasionaly have sex, or just friends, or nothing at all, but she needs to make this choice herself, and luckily your b/f is still there for you, something that many people probably wouldn't have in your circumstance.

good luck, i hope all goes well

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