A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Please, please someone help me on what to do before I destroy my relationship.I'll start by saying I've always been an angry person and in previous relationships we used to get into physical fights with each other but then make up afterwards. However, now I am in a relationship with a man who hates arguing and is one the verge of finishing with me and that thought I can't bear.I can't stop getting angry at him in my head. I try to stop myself but I can't. I think jealous thoughts - like his ex-wife, ex-girlfriend how much he loved them etc, etc then let it brew and brew and brew, then finally snap at him and cause a row over nothing. He says I am treating him like dirt as he never knows where it is coming from as it comes completely out of the blue.I really do try and not do this all the time, but my anger gets the better of me and then its all i can do to stop myself. I also can't seem to switch off from these thoughts - its like I am mentally torturing myself.For example yesterday, he wasn't as huggy or kissy with me so in my head I start winding myself up that he's gone off me and then I snap and bite his head off. it escalated into a row and I tried to explain to him but he said I only think about myself and how i feel and not him. I had to beg him not to walk out and leave me cos he doesn't believe I love him.I am so desperate not to lose this man. I love him more than anything but now he doesn't believe me. It's like i just have no control whatsoever. If I slightly see him glance at a woman, that'll build up a sudden anger and I'll keep to myself (cos I feel stupid) and then be nasty to him about something else.I feel worthless and horrible and I absolutely hate myself for what I am doing but I just don't know how to control my emotions. Would exercise help me?Please, if anyone has ever been like this/gone through this - how did you come out the other side?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): Actually I am quite worried that I may have borderline personality disorder. This is actually quite a disturbing thought to me.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2008): I used to get like this and still do on occasion. The feeling of absolute fury descends on me and nothing I can do or say will stop it. It is normally the smallest thing that will trigger it off, normally if I feel in my mind that I have been disrespected in some way. This has led to me hitting my partner and all sorts. I SO understand how you feel but you must control these urges. They wil get you into trouble. When you are on the edge try to keep your mouth shut and say absolutely nothing. If at all possible get up and leave the room but in such a manner that no one realises you are fuming. I think you are a bit like me and feel that maybe you are not getting enough attention and are not being put first all the time. This is a dead turn off for men. They hate clingy. Like me you are going to have to curb your behaviour.
When the feeling comes take a deep breath and immediately switch off and think of something else so you are not letting the comments get to you. Smile and say nothing and then leave the room as if to make tea/ going to the loo or something. Do not bring up the subject again and do not try to make him pay for it in any other way or twist the subject back on itself. You have to distance yourself from the feeling of anger. The fear here is you know you are not acting correctly and you are frightened of losing him. This can all be regained by you controlling your emotions. He hasn't left has he? He hasn't gone anywhere so if you start behaving properly he will stay and love you more.
You can sort this by controlling yourself and your emotions. Loads of luck!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 June 2008):
 Sticky keys...I blame Bill Gates.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 June 2008):
I think the best exercise you could do is to walk over to your telephone, call your doctor, and ask for the name of a good therapist. Then make an appointment with her/him. If you have tried to control yourself and have failed then you will need help. Your self-esteem is in the crapper and you need someone to help you build that back up. If your boyfriend sees you are trying to get better, perhaps he'll stick around otherwise I think you'll just push him until he walks. This is all fixable if you try so good luck and keep us posted.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 June 2008):
I think the best exercise you could do is to walk over to your telephone, call your doctor, and ask for the name of a good therapist. Then make an appointment with her/him. If you have tried to control yourself and have failed then you will need help. Your self-esteem is in the crapper and you need someone to help you build that back up. If your boyfriend sees you are trying to get better, perhaps he'll stick around otherwise I think you'll just push him until he walks. This is all fixable if you try so good luck and keep us posted.
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