A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am a married woman of 17 years, with 2 beautiful teenage children. I have been having an affair with a single man at work for the past 3 years. I can honestly say I love both men. My husband had an affair 6 years ago and I have found it hard to forgive him. At that same time my father died a very slow death of pancreatic cancer where I had to nurse him. Sex has since been unfullfilling with my husband since his affair, although he dotes on me and has worked hard since to make the marriage work. My lover desperately wants me to leave and be with him. I am frightened to leave my marriage for my lover, because I dont want to hurt my children and we have a nice lifestyle. I know this sounds extremely selfish. I am scared, I hate myself because I am hurting everyone. I dont know who I am anymore and I am at a loss at which way to turn.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): Looking purely at the practicalities, I think you have to ask yourself which of the following options would be the less hurtful.
1. Your husband finding out about your affair - which would inevitably mean the children finding out about it too.
2. Ending your affair
3. Ending your marriage
4. Ending both affair and marriage
If the only reasons you're staying in the marriage is for the lifestyle and a fear of upsetting the kids, they're not the best of reasons for staying married, as your heart isn't really in it.
I dare say the kids have noticed that yours is not a completely happy marriage, and as a result they could be feeling miserable if there's any atmosphere in the house.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 You should go back to the right way and give your husband another chance.
Focus on your family and work at your marriage.
Only they can give you the true happiness in the long run.
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A
female
reader, Isabella1974  +, writes (14 April 2008):
 Hi, god, what a very hard and complicated situation your are in. You have indeed had alot of things to deal with. Your fathers death, your husbands affair (have you both gone to counselling for you to try and deal with his affair) You were looking for someone to lean on, hense the reason you got close to this person and had the affair. I can see your husband is really trying hard to make things work with you, please think before you make any rash decisions. You are at a stage in your life and you are totally confused and bewildered as to what to do, sometimes people leave and they regret it afterwards, please make sure before you do anything to try everything you can to make your marriage work for you and everyone else sake, then at least you can look back and say you tried. You are not being selfish, you are just confused and lost at the moment. good luck and let us know what you decide or if you need to talk again. xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 April 2008): Hi Hunny
You have far to much on your plate, Everything that has happened has had a knock on affect and at the time it sounds as if you needed love. And you found it from this other man..You really have to think what a complete life changing experience all this will be for not only you sweetheart but for you family..Your husbands affair, You fathers death all grieving very hard emotions to cope with, How could I look upon you as selfish...You are stuck in a horrible possition that yes you got yourself into, But would it be so if all the things that have happened had not...My advice hunny is to look within yourself and really think hard as to what will be the best for you and your children and ask yourself if you have really ever healed from all this pain sweetheart...Im putting in a link to maybe help a little it covers quite alot and I do hope it helps you love..
http://www.helpguide.org/mental/grief_loss.htm
If you need a chat message me anytime I hope this helped just a little WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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