| A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi, i am married for just a few months now, my husband is such a wonderful guy, very good to me, the thing is, I have feelings towards another guy, nothing at all has happened. I really don't understand why ... i honestly don't want to be feeling like this, as i really want my marriage to work out, i feel my husband is not 100% happy, sometimes i think he wants to go back to his own country and the only reason he is staying away is because of me. I don't know what i can do!! i have tried talking to my husband but he says all is fine..but i sense something is wrong!! its getting frustrating!. I am really afraid that i will do something stupid, like fall for someone else! Think i may be trying to mess up a good thing...has anyone any advise they can give me.. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2007): Sounds like "something" isn't right...When its right, its right. Sometimes love or marriage isn't enough but that is something YOU will have to decide. Ask yourself, "Does this nurish me? Can this relationship thrive? (with your effort of course)? Its always chance going after another guy...is the grass really greener? Its best to leave your husband because its not right for you but not to fall into another guys arms to leave one relationship to enter into another, you CAN take care of yourself, No, really you can. Ciao
A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (28 December 2006):
 This is noraml for some people to feel when they sign that 'bit of paper'. You feel trapped and 'wrong' in your marraige so you project these feelings onto your husband...ie:if you feel like this then it stands to reason HE MUST as well....
It is ok to get crushes on other people when married. But remember thats all they are crushes!! You married your hubby for a reason. PLEASE try to remember what that reason was.
xx
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A
female
reader, AngelofLove +, writes (28 December 2006):
 Try not to rush into a decision which you may later regret.
You must love your husband to have married him.
As you have not been married for long, perhaps you can still work this out but only by talking and lots.
For you to display feelings for another there must be issues in your marriage but it does not mean that they cannot be worked out. This other guy is just a sympton not the cause of the problem in your marriage.
Your husband wanting to go back to his country, is this a new issue, surely this would have been discussed before getting married. Was this part of the deal?
It is possible to have feelings for another person if you are not totally happy. You do not specify if the other guy has feelings for you. Be cautious because some men out there like to go for women they cannot have, they see it as a challenge and sexy because there are no commitment issues to deal with. They want the "good bits" without the baggage. DONT WE ALL!
Even if your marriage was to break up, seeing someone on rebound is not a good idea, you should always allow yourself time to recover. If the other guy is genuine, he will wait for you til you ready, it is not fair on him either expectations would be high.
Do not be to hard on yourself, you have not acted on your feelings and we cannot choose who we fall in love with.
Be strong and good luck with whatever you decide.
xxx
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (28 December 2006):
 Yes, you're probably trying to mess up a good thing. You husband says he's fine. You insist he's not. This helps you in your decision to go for the other guy. You're acting very weak and imature. You will ALWAYS meet others you're attracted to. How can you EVER have a relationship that works if you're always running after the next person you happen to take a shine to.
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