A
female
age
41-50,
*amscar09
writes:I am engaged to be married in less than 6 weeks. I am 30 years old. My fiance is 25. We have been together over 2 years. 90% of the time I am the happiest I have ever been; when he comes in the room I feel myself soften, my body relaxes and I can't help but smile. There is one subject that causes most of our fights: My past. Over the course of 10 years, I slept with 8 guys. He only slept with 3 others besides me. Early on, I answered all his questions about who they were, etc. I figured I should be honest. Over the last year he dwells on this stuff. If I say I love a song he says, "did you listen to it with your other boyfriends?" When I look through old pictures of high school he asks, "did you fool around with him, do you want him?" This isn't all the time, but there is no rhyme or reason as to why he asks these things. After he asks, I get upset and tell him I get tired of his constant questioning and worrying. He apologizes and gets very mad at himself saying he doesn't know why he starts this. I love him very much and I let him know this all the time. I have never cheated on him, nor have I wanted to.. and he knows this. I tell him all the time that all I care/think about is our present and our future. It just disappoints me that while I am dreaming of our wedding and our life, he is thinking about my past...and I don't even think it was that bad?I don't know.. it has gotten a little better lately but hasn't stopped. I wonder if it ever will? I do feel as though I could live with this if I had to because I do very much love him. I can NOT imagine being without him. Any advice??
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female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (10 March 2009):
 he needs to understand, at the end of the day, its to him you are coming home to, and its him your marrying. he sounds extremly jealous. my bf was with over a 100 girls before me, however, he never cheated. he is very sound in his morales, and his ex gfs have confirmed with me hes a faithful loving lover. anyhow, i dont dwell on his past, i have been married before, and i had 4 bfs before him. he never brings up my past, but, hes always been very open about his exes, like if wwe go to a party, he will tell me theres an ex there, or a couple girls he had a casual sex with and if im uncomfortable, we wont go. although i have never been uncomfortable because he gave me no reason to be, he was never secretive about his cellphone or messages, his email, etc, in fact hes even tried to give me all his passwords but i feel like its his private "stuff", he gets upset because he says he loves me and why should anything be private between us? all in all, what im trying to say, i guess is your fiancee will have to trust your mind and ur hearts with him, not past lovers etc. i think he must of been burnt before by another he loved with his heart and her heart was somewhere else....before you marry and say i do, you had better work out all the kinks, or you may find your marrriage on the slippery slope to hell. trust is a huge solid part of the relationship pyramid, if there are cracks in the trust part, omg, everything else will follow suit. nothing good will come out of it. communication. show him ur making a conscious effort to gain his trust, and you desrve it, because you give it back to him...
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