A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hello all, thank you for taking the time to read and give your opinion about my situation.. i met my GF on the Internet, she lives in Japan and i live in Canada.. to make it short, her last relationship went sour when she open the door to a room to find her EX sleeping with a girl, she even know the girl! She was in traumatic shock, and left him and now don't want to think about him.. point is.. you guessed it, she drags her trusting issues over me now. When i ask about her new address because she moved to work in another place, she don't want to give it to me, and she says she don't have a reason for not giving it, just that she don't want to!! I am not used to that, because the only way i can reach her now is on her cell phone! What if something bad happens there? I cannot reach anyone, even call the police or ambulance because i don't have the address! I find it normal to give this information to the one you care for, especially if it's your BF/GF. We then got into a little arguing and we both felt hurt, and i dont want to be with someone that dont trust me, i feel it's important to be and feel trusted. I dont drink or smoke, i am what you call a gentlemen (yes i'm still in old ways at 35 ^^) Love is not the problem, she says she need time to get over her trusting issues, and yesterday she asked for my help! I really don't know how except being supportive and give her time, but on my side i'm hurt as well for not being trusted, as i know i'm a man that can be trusted (i've been cheated on too once by my first GF).I rely solely on the Internet, she don't want to see a therapist..Thank you very much for your opinions.. wishing you a great day!
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you again Diovanlestat ^^ just to make you an update.. yes we met online, she was supposed to come in May to see me, but was postponed because of her job that asked her to move from Japan.. Today she talked online with my MOM and she said lots of things.. and she told me that she wanted to make me a surprise that she is going back to japan and organize our meeting ^^ yes, there is still hope, and since she ask me for helping her regain trust in humans, i will do my best to stand by her side and being loyal to her, cuddle her, being there if she needs me, giving her space when she wants.. well, acting like a man should act: being strong and supportive.
Once again, thank you for your time, and i hope your life is as good as mine. Best wishes and keep up making this world a little brighter for people that sometimes only see the dark side.. Bye bye
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2008): Well... It's still difficult for me to understand, because I'm not aware of Japanese culture. You sound like a great person and she's lucky to have you as a friend. I'm aware you care about her a lot and are concerned about her. It's difficult to get someone to trust you, once someone else has broken their trust. The first cut is the deepest, so the old song goes.
I'm may have misunderstood, but seeing as you live so far apart have you ever met this woman, or is this a relationship that is built online?
Anyway it dosen't matter because as you say your willing to try everything, wait until she can trust you and be there to support her. There's nothing else you can do. Hopefully with time (and it may take a long time) you can help her rebuild her trust in other humans. I wish you well.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Diovanlestat for your comments.. i think i will have to explain a bit more ^^ i have her home adress in Japan, we exchange gifts.. Japanese people are somewhat reserved when its their privacy.. try to locate someone through the white pages, and you will see it's very hard, unless you live there.. they have kind of a paranoia about Stalkers and such.. its just that she never gave me her home phone, saying it's used as a fax machine too.. i know its an excuse for her non-trust, and now that she moved she dont give me her address.. it's sad but so far i still hang into the fact that she is supposed to show herself on a web cam this weekend.. last week she promise that but her room mate went sick so she had to go to the hospital..
kind of a lot of excuses, but it might be real too! She didn't want to talk to me after that, she felt guilty of breaking her promises.. i had to work very hard each time to make her talk.. she has low self-esteem.. so i guess i will wait for this weekend to see what she will say again to me.. and if i have another excuse.. i think i will have no choice but to let her go.. what i really want is to see once for real in my life, so even if it doesn't work, i will still have a feeling that i tried everything, that is why i love her and i am able to wait again.. Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2008): I'm sorry your in such a difficult situation. You may love this woman and she may love you, but for me the first basic necessity for any relationship is that I have a correct telephone number and address. If someone gives me a cell (mobile) number, I'm feel they can't be trusted and maybe using me. No arguments, no negotiations. She can't give you an address, and refuses to give you a reason. You don't know anything about this woman, not even how to find her. Not a good sign.
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